YTC numbers

Seconded. Do tell.

 

Sorry ??
How do you know the race has finished ????

**** off !

 

I got a conditional discharge!

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Old Fart at Play

What condition was it that led to the discharge? And you still haven't
told us about the train.

 

If you insist.

Please bear in mind that children are not rational beings.

Kiddiwinks playing on the railway track.
Flattened half-pennies on rails etc.
Picked up a tie-rod - a length of ~3/16th steel rod used to
tie the power cable to the catenary wire above it.
Used said rod to hit plants and things, as kids do.
Climbed signal gantry.
Mate peed over 25Kv wire with impunity.
I swung rod carelessly - touched wire.

Either:

Firstly, which seems more likely, I died and have been
in hell for the past thirty-odd years.

or

Rod melted where grasped, took off a bit of skin from the right hand,
exposed a bit of bone, train stopped, electrons burned a half-inch
circle of skin on centre of chest and thence through vest, shirt,
tank top and parka to an earthed metal rail. Explosion heard by
peeps two miles away but not by me.
I know what burning people smell like.

 

The Older Gentleman wrote:

OK the screwdriver one.

A while ago I was on the drive connecting the central locking on the wifes
car to the alarm system. This requires the use of a little box which
contains a couple of relays, one of which was not working. To open the box,
there are 4 posidrive screws on the top and one of these was not going to
come out without a bit of force.
I tried for a few mins and realised that the only way to get it out was to
use the right size screwdriver and some pressure. Well I did not have the
right size screwdriver, only one of those that are insulated to so many
thousand volts.

For those who dont know, this is a screwdriver with only its tip showing and
the rest covered in a healthy layer of insulating rubberised plastic.

Realising that the way to place pressure on the srew will require placing
the box on something hard I placed it on the center console of the car and
tried again. the box moves and I scratch the console of the wifes new car.
So far I have been outside in freezing temps for 30 mins and have only
managed to leave a 4 inch scratch on the top of the console. So with the
brain disconnected I place the box in the palm of the hand and the hand on
the console and try again. The same happends again but the console is not
there to stop the screwdriver and it enters the top of my palm going
straight through and comming out at the top of my index finger. OK this is
a common accident and to tell the truth it did not sting anywhere near as
much as you would expect.

Now, being a man, and having no brain to speak of, I try to pull the
screwdriver out. Well, remember the center console! Yep, the screwdriver,
this time had punctured the console and the combination of the rubber on the
shaft of the screwdriver and the cold hard plactic of the console resulted
in a one way lock in the connection of the two [1] meaning there was no way
for me to get the screwdriver out without a lot of pain.

After a few minutes of trying I resign myself to call the wife who replies
with the ususal "Whats up". Now I dont want to shout what has happened so I
just ask her to take me to the hospital, to which she replied "can you take
yourself, I am busy". Great, I am pinned to the car, with no way to get
up... After a few minutes she comes out and sees the probelm and we decide
the hospital is a good idea. She gets in the car in a hurry, slams it in
reverse and I now realise the screwdriver is up against the bottom of the
lever. the action of selecting reverse moves the screwdriver violently
enough to break the console and rip the hole in my hand open to the point
that it starts bleeding badly, but I am free.

Only problem is, I now have a new car with a smashed console and blood all
over the light coloured carpet and seats. Man was the wife pissed!


[1] you know like them funny finned washers that lock onto plain bars

 

Fark. And kids *still* play on railway lines.

Not worthy of a DIAABTCOD number, because silly things youdo as a kid
don't count (silly things done under the ifluence of alcohol definitely
do, mind), but all the same.... FARK.

 

Excellent. And an assisted event, too. Yes, please take DIAABTCOD Number
26. A short speech of thanks is de rigeur.

Just been checking the list and chuckling at the memories:

16) Grimly Curmudgeon, for licking car battery terminals
18) Beelzebub, for tangling her feet in an imaginary skipping rope
19) Ginge, for cutting himself after using an angle grinder to remove
tiles.
21) Col Tupperware, for breaking a wrist while using a socket extension
as a vehicle cranking handle.

Are just four of the gems.

 

I agree. I never satisfactorily resolved all of the details (some alcohol
assisted the recounting of the tale), and am inclined to think that someone
got a bit of a shock pissing onto the cable at fairly close range.

 

****, **** ****.....

Thanks TOG , but for reason that have made my wife have problems breathing
from laughter, this message has just resulted in the edge of my desk being
covered in even more blood. I think I want to stop here and not risk
anymore pain. SO Thankyou very much!

 

Sparkes wrote:

What a story.
I was transfixed.
And so, apparently, was Sparkes.

 

Old Fart at Play wrote:

And I bet you still got one helluva bollocking from your old man.

Parents these days would prolly want to sue Railtrack.

--
Oldbloke

2000 Honda CB500, 1991 Suzuki TS50 (m'boy's)
BOTAFOT #140
"He's like Robbo's chubby kid brother"

 

Being as I suffer from fuzzy eyesite and low brain usage please delete as
appropriate.

Thank / **** you...

 

Well-written though - I was transfixed.

 

Would you?

 

OMG (snigger) Ouch
Did it start the engine or something?

 

Indeedy, I had a good old belly laugh reading that but it made me wince.
Perhaps his posting name should be Basil.

 

No, it's true; was in Hertfordshire, between Apsley and Boxmoor and about
20 years ago, now. Two "yoofs" decided that they'd see what occurred when
you piss on 25KV overhead line from a bridge. One of them found out.

--
| Wik -UKRMHRC#10- 2003 R1150GSA -DC#1 -'FOT#0 'FOF #39 - BOD#12 BOB#12
|# You don't believe me | "Experience is the worst teacher.
|That the scenery | It always gives the test first
|Could be a cold-blooded killer. | and the instruction afterward."
***** human response from wik at blueyonder dot co dot uk *****

 

No, but then I seem to have become a clone of my old man as I have got
older.

--
Oldbloke

2000 Honda CB500, 1991 Suzuki TS50 (m'boy's)
BOTAFOT #140
"He's like Robbo's chubby kid brother"

 

Ouwwwwwwch.

--

Dave

GS 850 x2 / SE 6a
SbS#6 DIAABTCOD#16 APOSTLE#16? FUB#3
FUB KotL OSOS#12? UKRMMA#19