Write a review

Hello everyone,
I ask you wonderful people to do a little something to help me out.

I have a website www.thebikereview.com and I'm looking for people to take a
couple of minutes to write a review about their motorbike.

Reviews from people like you are better than the ones you get from official
publications (MCN, RiDE etc)

So please take a moment of your time and make your thoughts heard about your
bike or a bike you used to own.

Cheers!

G

 

Your site is a tart's handbag and extremely dull to boot.

Did it never occur to you that, since you can't write for toffee, journalism
may not be for you?

Now, where do I send my review to?


--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
Kawasaki ZX-6R J1
BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, TEAR#3 (and KotL), DS#5, COSOC#9, KotTFSTR#
The speccy Geordie twat.

 

****, you're right.

Hang on - I'll reply to his posting properly.

 

God, your site is awful. However, I'll leave the web designers to slag
that off.

Let's just dissect this potted review of some Italian V-twin. Footnote
numbers are mine.

STARTS/
2004 Aprilia RSV1000R
Having spent the vast majority of my biking life enjoying the pleasures
of numerous Japanese Inline Fours[1], I finally decided to brave a
different menu and order a tempting portion of Italian - the smartly
dressed new Aprilia RSV1000R.[2]
What a revelation. Initial fears that this was your stereotypical
no-brainer in an expensive Armarni[3] dress were very quickly thrown in
the wash basket. She's small, quick and nimble - like the gorgeous
gymnast you've always fantasized[4] about[5].
Whatever the position you find yourself in, she's not fussed and makes
one feel like the ultimate performer.[6]
Silky smooth power flows in from very early in the rev range [great for
2 up traffic][7], becoming exciting around the 7000rpm[9]. From there
she transforms from doe-eyed, goody-two-shoes beauty to 'hang on to your
lunch, this is going to be one hell of a ride' wild Goddess[10]... which
was not my expected experience from a Vee Twin[11].
This is certainly the best of both worlds here. The very best
tagliatelle... with sushi on the side[12]. Bon aperitif.[13]
/ENDS

[1] Why capitalise Inline and Fours?
[2] You start with a food metaphor and turn to clothing instead. Or does
"dressed" relate to a salad?
[3] Armani. Spell it right, ****.
[4] UK spelling is "fantasised"
[5] Try not to end a sentence a preposition with.
[6] From food to fashion to sex. This doesn't work.
[7] The traffic isn't 2 up[8], twat.
[8] And better usage would be "two-up".
[9] Around the 7000rpm *what*?
[10] Why capitalise Goddess?
[11] Why capitalise Vee Twin?
[12] Back to food again.
[13] Woo! And on to booze.

I'll refrain from comments about the various cliches.

This is utter, utter shite. And you're presumably the type that moans
about how the magazines "don't write for real bikers" and how "anyone
could do that...."

You're living proof that "anyone" can't.

Elsewhere I see a referance to Honda's "megga scoots" - get someone to
spell check your copy, you imbecile. And that goes for the Suzuki SV650
review that's too appalling to repeat here.

No wonder you want people to write your copy. whoever's doing it now
hasn't even worked their way past the Janet & John books. Tell you what
- I'll have a crack at it. Pay me.... oh, say ukp200 per thousand words.
In advance.

 

In The Older Gentleman <> decided to
enlighten our sheltered souls with a rant as follows

ITYM *reference* ;-)

Pete M

 

On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:19:07 +0100,

Indeed.

 

Hah! Get a sigsep, sonny!

<wonders if the distraction worked ... >

 

On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:19:07 +0100,

In case I was watching.

 

<g>

 

Churchill.

 

Heh. Indeed. Typo rather than genuine ignorance, mind. For genuine
ignorance, look up any post of mine about banks.

 

Everyone knows that was said by Churchill, surely.

 

I thought it was common knowledge

 

sweller wrote

A pity no **** listened to him.

 

He also said, in 1910, "... shoot the fucking bastard train drivers then"

 

Julian Clery.

--

Dave

GS 850 x2 / SE 6a
SbS#6 DIAABTCOD#16 APOSTLE#6 FUB#3
FUB KotL OSOS#12? UKRMMA#19

 

He also said, for the entire period he was Prime Minister, every day
before breakfast: "I'm not getting up until I've had my pint of
brandy".

 

<snip excellent critique of appalling review>

Cant agree with that more - what a load of rediculous bollocks that
doesnt actually tell you anything about the bike whatsoever.

I'll tell you the best bike reviews I ever read - In UBG. I havent
bought a copy in years (is it still going?) but it was full of the
most excellent stories sent in by readers (mostly couriers and
bodgers) buying old nails (or occasionally pretty decent machines) and
riding them hard for long mileages all maintained on a shoestring.
They invariably fell apart, blew up, got crashed but ususally were
bodged together and sold on. Bloody hilarious. I loved them.

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, Ben Blaney said:

And when his maid said "If you were my husband, I'd poison your brandy"
to which he replied "if you were my wife, I'd drink it"

 

1926... "Pick off the ringleaders on command."

I see a pattern emerging here.

--

Dave

GS 850 x2 / SE 6a
SbS#6 DIAABTCOD#16 APOSTLE#6 FUB#3
FUB KotL OSOS#12? UKRMMA#19