Twatty's insurers: they've coughed up

Hah - mine!

Oh...

 

We are in agreement. I can't see more than a couple of sentences
getting through to this claim-dodging mouth-breathing moron.

Paul.

 

I suspect it should be spelled cum-blister.

 

snip>

This part devalues the rest of the letter, you need to get Nige to do
it for.

Very good though.

 

Hm. Could be shorter, then.

Edited version:

This letter is addressed to your real address rather than the empty
house to which you referred me. And no, this was supplied to me neither
by you nor by your insurance company. As you know, I can quickly find
out things if I want to badly enough.

I am pleased to say that your insurance company has today sent me a
cheque for the sum I demanded for the damage to my motorcycle. Because I
wanted a swift end to this debacle, I said that I would settle instantly
for £400.

That's the sum I offered you twice, for a private settlement. It's a
shame that you (more likely, your father, in his role as self-appointed
intermediary), ignored it because (as I warned you) it now leaves a
nasty black mark on the insurance record and your premiums will soar by
a damn sight more. Still, we live and learn.

I was contacted by the police, who told me that you are aged just 17 and
had only recently passed your test. I agreed that prosecution of you for
the various traffic offences (and the police were adamant that you had
committed them, just as they agreed with my assessment of the road
traffic laws and disagreed vehemently with your father's interpretation
of them) could be dropped as long as I was reimbursed for the repairs to
my motorcycle.

We all do bloody silly things as kids. I did. And we both agreed that as
your insurance company was playing ball, we'd let the matter rest there.
They may still want to advise you about the law relating to provision of
personal details in the event of an accident, mind you. Now please take
care, because I was very lucky not to be injured. Had I been, this event
would have had vastly more serious consequences for you.

Yours sincerely,

PS: Your father is an idiot.

 

Yay! I have a feeling he might have to have the letter read to him
though.

 

I'd omit this paragraph. It will occur to them to wonder how you found
out their address. They might even make the mistake of accusing their
insco.

Ambiguous. To whom does the *both* refer?

I'd omit the PS as well. If he hasn't yet concluded his father gave
him crap advice, he's not going to now on your say-so. And I think you
spoil the letter by suddenly putting in an insult.

Otherwise, neatly put. My 1/2d worth.

 

You missed your literary calling you know that? Mills&Boon would
never be the same.

 

Then more hilarity ensues... I don't see a problem.

 

OK, Mister Editor. Sorted.

 

Alternatively add a PPS: ner-ner-ne-ner-ner!

 

Delikabe misberate, or was he just pissed? Only you, the audience, can
decide!

 

[snip]

I am not sure I know why you're bothering to write to the kid. Spleen
venting is always a nice exercise, but it's going to be about as
effective as trying to empty the Atlantic with a thimble. You've got the
pay-out so leave the other matter to plod if they want to deal with it.

 

What's the point, other than some kind of juvenile taunting?

 

I agree, nice letter but stating the bleeding obvious at the end in the
P.S. degrades the letter.

 

I thought the PS was the best bit !

 

This is TOG we're talking about, yes?

 

Well it was certainly the most succinct.

 

I know... you'd expect the Doctor to have talked some sense into him by
now, though.

 

You're clearly well acquainted with the term "felching"

--
R100RT
Aprilia Pegaso 650 IE "The Flying Mythos"
Formerly: James Captain, A10, C15, B25, Dnepr M16 solo, R80/7, R100RT
(green!)
www.davidhowardjeweller.co.uk