The eBay van of doom: Update

It really isn't as bad as it looks in the photo. There really isn't any
rust on it! The wheel arches are all made of metal you could cut your
fingers on and despite a few little dings and scrapes, it's in
remarkably good nick. It also got me to Birmingham from Sunny Essex on
Saturday and back to London again this evening. It doesn't use oil,
doesn't smoke and the temperature stays where it's supposed to. It
doesn't pull to one side, it steers straight and it is bloody economical
so far!

However: if you use the handbrake, the back wheels stay locked on, the
clutch is a bastard[1], the back lights sometimes don't come on at all
[2] and to get the brake light to work you have to operate the pedal
with your heel.[3]

Apart from the niggly bits like the state of the seats, the fact it
hasn't been cleaned for the last 60 years, the speedo suddenly stopping
working at 75 mph and staying there and the window doing up at a funny
angle unless you give it some assistance, that's it, and all after I
bought a HBOL, 5ltrs of oil and a filter today. The oil's blacker than
something that's black in the middle of a blackout and Halfords didn't
have a cambelt. Hmmm...

[1] I think this just needs adjusting.
[2] The giveaway here is that the dash doesn't light up, either.
[3] I had a poke around with the switch quickly at the side of the road
and it seems to work, for the time being, at least.

 

Sticky cable if you're lucky, over worn shoes adjusted beyond their normal
sensible reach, if you're not.

You can pick up a decent set of seats out of another Escort in a breakers
for peanuts.

It's a SOV, so your point is? ;-)

Sounds like the actual speedo rather than the cable, playing up.

Worn / dislocated runners - again, something you can pick up for peanuts at
a breakers

Self adjusting mech on the clutches of these, with the mech at the pedal
end - does it keep clicking and losing the tension on the cable when
operated?

Probably just a problem with the control stalk - an achilles heel of these
and the Mk3 Fester.

If not, be prepared to buy a new one - anything you get at a breakers is
almost certainly not long for this world either, given how common the faults
associated with them are.

Again, another common niggle - a new switch doesn't cost much, and due to
the plastic prongs that flex and then lock the unit into the pedal when
they're first fitted, that give up in the end.

 

That's just telling you it's flat out......

 

Pip's very kindly offered some assistance in the braking dept tomorrow.
I really don't believe it's terminal and the other stuff I can live with
if I can get brakes fixed[1]

The trouble is that I've taken out CN insurance. I remember last year
when I took out insurance on the CBR and cancelled it within two weeks,
the cunts wanted £175!

[1] I've bought it now and I'm determined to like it. It's started to
grow on me already and I've driven a lot worse[2]
[2] Courier vans for example, that were supplied by the company!

 

The bloke said they were changed for the MOT and were "adjusted right
up" - whatever that means. He said the only mileage done on the rear
brakes were the ones I'd done and the ones back from the MOT centre.

This I know but TBH, I'm not really that bothered about the seats.

No point really, it just seemed fitting that someone who dodged cleaning
bikes for a living somehow seemed bemused by the fact someone hadn't
done it to their van.

Yeah, the miles are still going round but the needle's got stuck. It was
ok until about half way to Birmingham. Maybe it gave up in protest.

I didn't know that. Again, not something desperate important but a
niggle nonetheless.

I haven't noticed that but what it does seem is that there is too much
freeplay at the top of the pedal and not enough "clutch" at the bottom
IYKWIM, sort of not quite enough to get the gears in smoothly, like the
pedal needs to go down some more.

Now you mention it, I did have the same problem with a MKIII escort
stalk but this stopped the lights coming on altogether. Would a dodgy
stalk prevent the rear lights coming on with the dash? The front ones
worked fine but the sidelights don't work when the dash / rears are out.

IIRC, a new stalk is about £17 or at least it was back in about 1988.

I did notice what looked like a nail (no really a nail, but looked like
machined metal in the shape of a nail) coming out at the top of the
pedal and what I thought was the switch next to it. I thought maybe the
switch has dislocated from the nail but it (the switch) was on some kind
of bracket and wouldn't move. Just wiggling it about seemed to do the
trick though. Maybe a coincidence, I don't know.

 

Ok... well it sounds like either rusted cables etc., or the shoes haven't
been chamfered when fitted... that, or the operating cam wasn't greased
either.

Anyway, certainly not terminal, and with Pip helping out, won't take much at
all to sort

If it frees off if you reverse, that's a sign that it's the shoes in need of
chamfering.

Something probably got disturbed or bent when they were clipping a few miles
off the mileage... ;-)

(Quite a possibility in all seriousness, but as I explained before,
condition is far more important that recorded miles at that age).

It's all part of its 'character', innit...

Hmm... sounds like the mech isn't doing its job in that case - might be,
given the age, a stretched cable as well, not helping.

IIRC, they're wired up so that fuse wise, the left hand rear is on the same
fuse as the left hand front sidelight... and the same on the right hand
side.

The fact both sides are out at the same time almost certainly suggests the
switchgear is up to its old tricks.

Piece of piss to change, anyway.

You may be in for a shock then - local motor factors were doing pattern ones
for the plus side of £40, the last time had cause to buy one.

 

Yeah. I haven't taken the wheels off but I imagine there's a bunch of
dry, partially rusted stuff in there that's going to be much better with
the aid of some lubrication.

Swot I fort. The bloke's a diamond.

I did try the reverse trick. I expected to hear or feel a bit of a clunk
but nothing.. They did appear to free off a bit but that could've been
my imagination. They certainly weren't freed off completely.

Well body wise, it really isn't in bad nice at all. The passenger door
lock has been blanked off and there are a few areas where you can see
the application of filler has been applied, but nothing to suggest the
thing's full of it. Maybe there are some new panels on there, the arches
are very sharp.

Yeah, that's why I like it. It also makes you adopt new skills as in
"how to close the window whilst driving after you've just thrown your
fag out and trying not to get soaked with rain".

Maybe the cable... What I can tell you is that unless you bury the pedal
in the floor, engaging any gear at a standstill is very difficult if not
impossible. The clutch also bites the instant you life the pedal.

Right, I think I've got it. The rear lights, dash and sides are wired
into the first click of the switch!

Blimey. Any newer models that share parts with the VOS?[1]

[1] Van Of Shite

 

Yeah. I haven't taken the wheels off but I imagine there's a bunch of
dry, partially rusted stuff in there that's going to be much better with
the aid of some lubrication.

Swot I fort. The bloke's a diamond.

More likely to be a lack of grease / seized cables type problem then, I
reckon.

Well body wise, it really isn't in bad nice at all. The passenger door
lock has been blanked off and there are a few areas where you can see
the application of filler has been applied, but nothing to suggest the
thing's full of it. Maybe there are some new panels on there, the arches
are very sharp.

Yeah, that's why I like it. It also makes you adopt new skills as in
"how to close the window whilst driving after you've just thrown your
fag out and trying not to get soaked with rain".

Lack of adjustment - see if you can get any sort of half decent look at the
adjuster mech, which is hidden away at the top of the pedal.

If it looks like it's gone as far as it can adjustment wise, try a new cable
first before considering changing the mech.

When it's not fubar, yes... ;-)

Not in this respect, I'm afraid, or at least not to my knowledge.

 

I'm confident it won't take a lot to get going. They do free themselves
off with driving but that's far from ideal as it will be obviously
wearing the friction material away.

This is good. I saw in the BOL that these clutches were adjusted
automatically. The fact you mention the cable can be adjusted is a good
thing.

What is the mech actually for, what does it do?

I'll have a look at adjusting the cable first. If it's like the rest of
the van, it's probably a case of neglect and hasn't been looked at for
the last 150 years.

I'll spray a load of contact cleaner in it then. If that doesn't work, a
trip to the breakers is in order. I don't really want to shell out the
thick end of £40 on something only to find it doesn't work!

 

Erm, yes the mech adjusts it... so it can be adjusted... by that, IYSWIM ;-)

See above.

Works on a ratchet principal - as a cable stretches, it becomes slack - the
mech then automatically takes said slack up due to the cable not being
tensioned enough to stop a spring (IIRC), pull the ratchet along another
notch. Works well when it's not worn out.

Worth a try I suppose, but I'm pretty sure that once these start to play up,
it's time to get your money out.

 

back wheels stay locked on, the clutch is a bastard, the back lights
sometimes don't come on at all and to get the brake light to work you have to
operate the pedal

So apart from being a wreck, it's great?

 

Right. So is it feasible that the mech is good and it is the cable
that's shot as in the mech has no adjustment left in it? I suppose I
could cut slots in a few washers and bung em on the cable at the
transmission end ;o)

Or an 'ammer ;-)

Seriously, I'll try the contact cleaner[1] and then a new switchgear if
that doesn't work.

[1] Remembers when Renault20 alternator wouldn't work until warmed up,
sprayed wd40 in there and then completely fubarred it ;o)

 

It's lovely.

 

Yup.

You should soon be able to tell, if you have a good look at it.

I fookin' 'ate pikeys! ;-)

One of the lads at work... he used to be so skint, he used to cut out Revere
shaped brake pads out of Fiat Uno ones...

Must be a courier thing, eh ;-)

Heh, I saw two of those last year... being destroyed in a Bangerstox race in
Belgium.

Best thing for one!

 

Enjoy.

 

I'm hoping it's ok. Is there any way the cable can be used with it or
would it be too long? Could always shorten it by twisting a nail round
the cable and gaffer taping it ;o)

I've heard stories of blocks of wood being used. There is an art in
being resourceful and filing Uno pads into Revere shaped ones is a
better story than saying you bought some new ones in a shop. It's
amazing how many people do it, too

Bloody good it was. The whole thing filled up with smoke and looked like
something out of Cheech and Chong after 10 or so miles.

Indeed.

 

Aye... well he's since come out the other side of the divorce, and can
afford to buy normal brake pads now ;-)

 

It was somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the
drugs began to take hold. I remember "jack hackett"

Little known fact... early Civic pads are the same shape as GS rears...
just a bit thicker. Oh, and one third the price.

--

Dave

GS 850 x2 / SE 6a
SbS#6 DIAABTCOD#16 APOSTLE#6 FUB#3
FUB KotL OSOS#12? UKRMMA#19 COSOC#10

 

"More plaster than in my ceiling"

 

Had a look at the cambelt today. Looks ok.

Heh, an H reg vehicle that looks worse than mine

Yep. Done just over 400 miles now and just under half full. Costs £50 to
fill the bleeder up though.

Much cheaper to run than the bike.

Mark (at home)