That was fun.

I have got this fancy Acer growing in my front garden. Three or four
times a year there is a knock on the door from a "Landscape Gardener"
offering to prune and tidy my "Dangerous" and "Sick" tree.

Now lets get this straight, apart from a bit of trimming every other
spring to keep the lower bits from the pedestrians passing by and taking
out the odd branch which has reverted to green, my tree is a fit and
healthy as it was when it was planted by the previous owners back in
1968 and is beautifully sculptured to boot. These "Landscape Gardeners"
simply do not know what they are taking on. (that sentence has 5 words
too many)

I give them a couple of minutes to talk themselves into a hole and then
start.

This one got quite pissed off quite quickly and stormed away calling me
all sorts of nasty names. I think it was when I called him a "know
nothing con artist and not a very good one at that" what tipped the
balance. Good it was.

 

Were you wearing your school uniform?

 

flash wrote

A little pleated Netball skirt and Goal Attack bib why?

 

steve auvache wrote:

I find that if you repeat the words "No thank you." often enough, they
go away. It can be a bit dangerous to insult even those people, as one
of them may come back and bang some copper spikes into your lovely
healthy tree one night.

 

Just checking that you didn't have to give them a pound.

I get similar visits regarding the ash tree at the back of my house. I let
them give me the spiel before pointing out that (a) its under a TPO and (b)
despite appearances it isn't actually in my garden.

 

Champ has just been spotted wearing jeans and shouting "Isle of Man"!

--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
Kawasaki ZX-6R J1, Fiat Coupe 20v Turbo
BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, DS#5, COSOC# Suspended, KotTFSTR#
The speccy Geordie twat.

 

flash wrote

I wish I could get on for mine but it is too small and they go by height
around here. It's not a tree until it is 10 metres tall as far as
Little Moscow is concerned.

 

AndrewR wrote

Well, he did mention something about it being like giving my tree a
haircut.

 

Hmm.According to
http://www.odpm.gov.uk/stellent/gro...ents/page/odpm_urbpol_607978-03.hcsp#P63_7439

"A TPO protects trees and woodlands. The term 'tree' is not defined in the
Act, nor does the Act limit the application of TPOs to trees of a minimum
size. Fruit trees, for example, may be included in a TPO provided it is in
the interests of amenity to do so (see paragraph 6.176.19). The dictionary
defines a tree as a perennial plant with a self-supporting woody main stem,
usually developing woody branches at some distance from the ground and
growing to a considerable height and size. But for the purposes of the TPO
legislation, the High Court has held that a 'tree' is anything which
ordinarily one would call a tree."

 

Muck wrote

Scared of a discovered con merchant? You must be fucking joking.

Besides he won't be back, I just happened to be playing with my new toy
when he knocked, he thinks I have his mug shot and his numberplate on
digital tape[1]. I think that my going in doors to get it and pointing
it at him, in Roger Cook stylee, rather pissed him off enough that he is
unlikely to be driving down this road ever again, let alone stopping.


[1] fucking lens covers.

 

Pikeys. Almost certainly.

I spent 17 years living in Pikey Central a.k.a. Milton Keynes.
I lost count of the number of people who came round offering to cut
down a tree or trim my bush (fnaaar). Tell them no (politely or not)
and you get the exact same response. The huge number of trees in
Milton Keynes combined with the number of muppets who will give the
pikeys work means that there are hundreds of them camped out on the
grass verges all over the city. Whenever they get moved on, along with
all the usual crap they leave behind like dead cars, washing machines
and piles of shit, you also see huge piles of pruned branches. Frankly
the people of Milton Keynes get what they deserve!

Mikey

 

So he knows you have a brand new vidcam as well?

 

flash wrote

It is down to local interpretation though.

In the 80's it was a tree surgeons dream time round here as folks were
pulling out all the 20-30 year old Leylandii which littered the streets.
When it started going a bit too far, as people turned their anger onto
the Oaks and Ash and Holly and Hawthorn and other trees common/native in
Essex, then the councils started slapping orders on anything that grew
and had a woody stalk. Downright silly it became.

20 years later and the fashions in gardening changed once again and the
councils started relaxing the rules. Locally they will only give out a
TPO if the tree is large/old/exceptionally rare and in a "public" space
i.e. mostly visible from the street. A fairly sensible compromise imho.

 

porl wrote

He doesn't know I sleep with it under my pillow though.

 

Its a good job you're not large then, or they might slap one on you.

 

flash wrote

No point, I am rotten to the core.

 

Mikey wrote

Absolutely. It was there both in the family resemblance and the accent
and the van and the lack of business card and landline phone number. He
lives about 3 miles down the road along with a coupe of hundred other
"settled" travellers. An interesting area, it would pander directly to
your misplaced prejudices.

 

Actually - I *am* wearing jeans today, cos we've got a dress down day
at work. Hang on while I put my pound in the collecting box <chink>
right then:

Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle
of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of
Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man,
Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle
of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of
Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man,
Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle
of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of
Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man,
Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man, Isle of Man......
--
Please add "imo" to above post.
Champ
GSX-R 1000, GPz 750 turbo, ZX7RR Endurance Racer x 2
GYASB#0 BotToS#2 BOTAFO(T|F)#35 WG*#1 DFV#8
Team UKRM Racing : www.team-ukrm.com

 

Not on a tripod?
--
Please add "imo" to above post.
Champ
GSX-R 1000, GPz 750 turbo, ZX7RR Endurance Racer x 2
GYASB#0 BotToS#2 BOTAFO(T|F)#35 WG*#1 DFV#8
Team UKRM Racing : www.team-ukrm.com

 

Champ wrote

More of a monopod really but yes.