Star Wars

Reasons to join The Dark Side:

They dress better
They're are mean
They get to play with fire.

I much perfer the dark side.

If only there were jobs on offer in the UK where one got to dress so
well that also include being terrible to people.

 

We've heard ;-)

You have several choices here,
1 Traffic warden
2 Community Police "assistant"
3 Debt collector
4 VAT office employee
5 V.O.S.A Lorry inspector

The list isn't endless..

 

I don't fancy being a traffic warden, police officer (the
non-community kind) has interested me in the past but I assume that
they don't like woofs. I've previously attended interviews for
Immigration but didn't accept the position. Perhaps Customs would be
more useful (but I assume they don't like woofs too much either.)
Working for a VAT office doesn't grab me and vehicle inspections would
mean I'd have to get my hands dirty.

Health & Safetly Expectorate or perhaps Environmental Health could be
interesting but the workload must be *immense* these days and heaven
knows what kind of qualifications I'd need to obtain.

 

Black & Tan?

http://www.betterhighways.co.uk/

 

Being a "Woofter" does *NOT* preclude nor exclude you from any of the
aforementioned.

Fukinloadsaqualificationsmatey

Ask PiP...

 

Extremely far from the truth, as it happens. Particularly the jolly
old Met.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4161255.stm

http://www.gay.police.uk/

 

You'd be surprised. Env. Health - a degree. Any degree, but science
biased is good. To start with - then you need to apply to a Local
Authority for a post as Student EHO. When successful, off to college
for four years, (including a year 'out', doing the job) and working
in your 'sponsoring' Authority's EH Dept during college vacations.
This means no holidays for four years.

The EH degree is full-time, with ~30 hours taught per week. This is a
lot. Subjects covered include building construction, drainage design
ancient and modern, waste disposal, good old Nuisance, legal
procedures, design and construction of food premises through the ages
and remedial works thereto, communication and interpersonal skills,
abrasive wheels, scaffolding, meat inspection, Port Health procedures,
Health and Safety ...

Students are assessed on coursework, assignments, presentations and
verbal input during the course. They are further assessed by a
Training Officer when with the Authority, and by EHOs who they are
expected to accompany when training. Students spend time in abbatoirs
learning how food animals are killed and butchered (and how to spot
duff ones - and eat fantastic fry-ups for brekkies at 06:00), fish
markets, fruit and veg markets and the unenviable drudge of Port
Health.

Once qualified, the training really starts ... and never, ever ends.
There is always new legislation, new precedent, new procedures to
master.

It's a hell of a job, but a bastard to learn.

Getting into the HSE, or the Factories Inspectorate, is, if anything,
even tougher, with high entry requirements and a great deal of
specialist knowledge expected to be acquired. Even Trading Standards
is degree entry, with a further degree to be obtained as qualification
to be appointed. All this for comparatively shit money (for the work
put in) and these days a shitter pension.

 

You weren't really cut out for the Samaritans, were you?

 

They'd take me back in a heartbeat. I'm a very good listener.

 

In these days of encouraging diversity, it's probably an advantage.