SENIOR MOMENTS!!!

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has
been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal
and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm.
An
officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."
_______________________________________
FAMILY

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night
the
96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
starts
up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening
to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both
of
you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man

replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's
have
a beer."
_______________________________________
SUPERSEX

An little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at
him,
she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
the
soup."
_______________________________________
ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep
but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You
used
to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
back
to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me. "
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are
you
going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
_______________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENTCENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She

holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess

what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_______________________________________
OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now
don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time ..but
I
just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate
77.
Please be careful!" "Wow!" said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
______________________________________
DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could
have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes,
they
came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection, sure
enough,
the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other

woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three
red
lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Ohmygosh! Am I driving?"

 

pretty funny.

'Ya'll take care'' --BJAY--