Ride Report - Texas to Texas via Florida

Texas to Texas, via Florida

3,000 miles in 6 days on the road.

OBSERVATION: Everything between Dallas and Jacksonville looks
ecks-fucking-zactly the same. Scraggly trees, pine forests, and swamps.
Nothing remarkable happened along the way. Except for the novelty of hitting
the road on my first long distance ride, it wasn't interesting at all. US
190 between Opelousas and Baton Rouge has been under construction since the
last ice age,
with backups and delays, so do yourself a favor and just go down to I-10.
It's quicker.

New Orleans: Stayed in the French Quarter in a room with a balcony. The "Big
Easy" is the
food capital of the world! I have never had so many good places to eat. I
went to K-Paul's and
had Paul Prudomme's signature dish...beef tenders in his famous "debris"
sauce. It went well with a marguarita.

If you are ever near the Quarter in the morningtime, do yourself a favor and
head to the Cafe du Monde at the French Market for some world famous cafe au
lait with chicory and a plate full of beignets, the official "doughnut" of
New Orleans.

Bourbon Street is always a blast. I just love being able to grab a drink and
stagger out with it.
Had a few Hand Grenades and Hurricanes and listened to all the jazz and
blues, from bands in the clubs and some damned fine street performers. I was
too scared to try to pick up any chics. In N.O. it could very well turn out
to be a dude in drag!

Score! I finally found some chaps large enough to fit my fat ass. Good thing
them Cajun boys are big fellows as well. The Harley shop had some nice chaps
that fit. My local shop caters to the skinny poser crowd. It's a good thing
I found some as they were really needed later. Also: trophy T-shirt.

On the road again: Louisiana, helmet off. An hour later cross the
Mississippi line, helmet on. An hour to Alabama, helmet still on. Another
hour to Florida, helmet comes off. That 2 or 3 hours I had to wear a helmet
made me feel so safe!

OBSERVATION: Florida. In between Pensacola and Tallahassee there was an area
of about 10 miles where I smelled SHIT. I mean, it was so strong I was
gagging. I guess there was a big assed farm that had just ran the manure
spreader. Strange thing is, down south the swamps smell like pee.

MOTORIST TIP #1: If you want to pass a motorcyclist, please do NOT whip back
in front of him less than a car length away. Especially if you are driving a
semi. Especially, especially if it's raining HARD and you are tossing up a
rooster tail of water. You probably will miss seeing him give you the
finger.

Met up with Arie Bresser in Jax where they had an awesome Bike Night going
at the Buffalo. The had a fire waiting for me in the parking lot, with a
live band, beers, and hot wings. They make a guy feel soooo special! I
wonder who told them I was coming? They shouldn't have gone to all that
trouble for just me. <g>
BTW, I don't know if anyone has met both Arie and Rick Miller, but if you
put Rick in a pony-tailed wig and knock a tooth out...they'd look like
twins! They could easily pass for brothers.

Had a decision to make: Head north or south from Jacksonville (east was out
due to possible salt water corrosion on the scoot). I had wanted to make for
Deal's Gap to slap the Dragon, but the weather forced me south.

Daytona: T-shirt from the dealership there. Damned nice shop. I love the set
up. Good food in the diner around the back. Only $5.00 for lunch? Don't
these ladies know it's a "Harley" diner?! Daytona reminds me of the video
game "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City". I swear I stole a car, ran over some
pedestrians and shot some people right on that corner over there.

South: Bad looking rain clouds ahead. Better pull over and put some rain
gear on. Whoo, what a downpour! Glad I took the time to put all that gear
on. 10 mins later the sun was back out and I'm burning up. Pull over for gas
and a smoke, took the gear off. Damn! That rain caught up with me! No time
for a cig! Oh well, I'll out run it and pull over for a smoke down the road.
Found a spot, pulled over, started to light up. Damn! Started raining AGAIN!
How in the hell can a rain storm move so fast? **** it, just smoked in the
rain.

MOTORIST TIP #2: If you are driving 10 miles under the speed limit, and
someone in front of you is driving 1 mph SLOWER than you, don't feel that
you must pass that vehicle at 1 mph, taking 5 mins and both lanes to do so.
Especially when there are only the 2 of you within miles...you two and that
motorcyclist coming up on you cruising away at 90 mph. You really don't need
to pass just when the motorcyclist gets there. And you would save yourself a
severe finger flipping.

So I go looking for a bud off the Heritage Springer site, Dave "hogman"
Kurz, who says he lives in S.W. Florida. I left his contact info behind on
the wrong computer...so I just head for S.W. Florida, right?. I get as far
S. and W. of Florida as I can possibly go, right? I call the hogman and he
tells me he's NORTH of me? WTF?! Dave says he lurks in the
rec.motorcycles.harley newsgroup at times. Hogman! Come out and show
yourself, dammit! Buy us a round!

Pucker moment: Semi missed seeing all the cars in front of him stop, so
instead he heads across the median straight for me! I hurriedly checked for
traffic behind me and grind the brake pads down to nubs and get over.
Luckily the driver managed to straighten it out in the grass and didn't come
into the on-coming lane anyway, but COULD have. Was too distracted to even
flip him off! I'm hoping I can "Shout Out" the stain in my pants when I get
home.

Well, I hook up with the hogman and he takes me on a nice ride across the
state for the coolest T-shirt in Florida from a dealer at a town that I had
passed by just the day before! Treasure Coast H-D in Stuart. Big Blackbeard
pirate on the back. Silver and black skull on the front. My favorite T-shirt
now. One stretch of road was particularly nice...a two lane through some
thickly canopied woods. I am sure that would be heaven in the hot summer
heat. It looked like you were riding through a tunnel of trees. As we left
the dealership the sky opened and just drenched us. We quickly stopped after
it slackened off and changed into dry shirts, but I left my wet jeans on...I
was thinking that they would just dry out. I was wrong.

After parting ways, I went north just as the sun went down. The further
north I went, the colder it got, strangely enough. By the time I stopped in
Gainesville I was so cold my nuts had disappeared up into my body!

On the road again the next morning. I finally ran into some bikers at a gas
station, all from different areas, all heading back west. We just happen to
pull into that place all at the same time. I hooked up with this insane
Coastguardsmen named Tom. We partnered up for the ride into Mobile where he
was meeting an insane Coastguardsmen buddy he hadn't seen in a while (don't
call them "Coasties"...fine...I guess I will have to call my dad a "Naval
Serviceman" instead of a "Rust Picker", too). We got there and was invited
to dinner with Scott and his lovely wife Jill, and their kids Shelby and
Sam. I don't know if you can tell by looking at me, but I'm not one to pass
up on a meal. Afterwards, the rum (Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay) was being
passed around, the beers distributed, and I was told I should get stinking
and spend the night.
Much fun had by all. Only one nose broke in the roughhousing and luckily it
wasn't mine.

Got up early and left a note of thanks to them. On for a big push back home
from Mobile. It was fairly uneventful until I was northbound in Louisiana.I
was just zipping along and passed a red sedan with a lone blonde chic
driving. She had a cute little wiener-dog puppy with her that was just
STARING at me from the back seat as I passed, jumping into her lap...just
staring at me. Well, I back the speed down a bit and let her catch up. "Tip
o' the lid to ya, my dear" I gestured and pulled back ahead and in front.
She
was quite a cutie! I caught a smile in the mirror. Cool! The traffic slowed
and now she's passing me...the puppy jumping into the passenger seat waiting
for me to roll by then into the back seat...again just staring at me hard.
We swap positions around a few times and that puppy was going nuts just
jumping from the front to back and side to side, going in circles around the
inside of the car. I pull up and start gesturing again. "I" <gesture>, "L"
<gesture>, "you" <gesture>. Well, she smirks thinking how cool a dude I
am...then I waved that thought off. "No, no" I gesture. "I was talking about
your dog" <pointing to the puppy>. Well, that got a laugh out of her. We
kept up this road-tag game we had for some time and I'm sure she's starting
to want me bad. I can tell that she is a stripper/bank CEO and just was
looking for an excuse to meet me. So after 30 mins of this back and forth
game I was running out of gas. "Me" <gesture>, "you" <gesture>, "drink?"
<drinking gesture with an invisible cup>. I pointed to the upcoming exit.
She smiles, shakes her head and shrugs. I shrug <gesture>. I waited for her
to pull away about a half mile before I flipped her off. "Fine...You Ugly
Bitch" <gesture>!

I roll in back home late that night, and had to kick my own ass to get up to
go to work the next morning.

WHAT I LEARNED: I have set up my bike that I can do consecutive 500 mile
days for as long as I need to, in any weather down to 35 degrees or so. I am
ready for Sturgis!

 

Good ride and good report Waco.. Isn't it surprising that when you travel on
a motorcycle, each stop is an adventure.. That doesn't include all the games
you can play on the slab... I'm proud of you, my man..

Your friend in Irving
Bill Walker

 

<major snippage of great report>

Wow. Looks like you had a great time. Loved the report. I second
everything you said about NO, by the way. Best food city in the world.

Mike
Keller, TX
'03 FLSTFI