Probably get you locked up in U.K.

old people calling cops
OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE .
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going
up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the
garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened
the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people
in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and
stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock
your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them
now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them
right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two
Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'
residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 

Who among us can provide the link to Kev Otley's real life tale of tardy
plod, potentially damaged scrotes and nicked bikes?