Prince 2

I'm not 'im, but yes, our company uses it and we don't just do public
sector stuff and have a large number of major private-sector customers
who're into it, too.

Of course, you get the odd one who, at the first mention of a PDW, say
to you "If you try any of that project-management bollocks you're
fucking out!"...

 

Hehe.

My current most-hated wank-words/phrases are:
"embedded"
"flex"[1]
and " "sharpening our corporate pencil".

[1] Which seems to have displaced "leverage".

 

Careful, she's got friends in high places.

 

Ahh poor mans Black Velvet. We would scoff that when weekending on the
island of Arran.

 

SPOCE.

 

Six Sigma is a completely different kettle of shit to Prince 2.

 

we have an internal policy thing here called "The <name of company>
Way", which involves a lot of "mindset re-adjustment", "process
orientation" etc. The top practictioners of this mindset bollocks are
called "<Name of company> Way Black Belts".

 

It's all hand-wavey service industry crap though. Telco is full of it. It
makes me want to stab myself in the eyes.

 

yes. Though that's part of another programme.

I was sent on a "mindset re-allignment" course last year, the aim of
which was to achieve "client focussed behaviour". At the start we were
asked what we thought we'd get out of the course.

I replied along the lines of I was interested to find out how the
company had changed, since I'd been client focussed when I joined, but
the company had done it's damnedest with rules and proceedures and red
tape in general, to make it as difficult as possible to achieve client
servicing.

 

and the answer was?
I've seen enough of these cunts in one lifetime to know what a waste of
time and money they are

 

some nonsense about the company recognising the errors of their ways,
and everyone pulling together in the brave new client focussed world.

 

Fucking licence to print money that is. I'm trying to get my lot to
cough up the 20 odd grand for me to do it, but they're seeing
difficulties justifying it. Cunts.


--
Dnc

B1200 - +30bhp ~|~ ZZR1100 - faster when upright
V2300 - flat cap and rug ~|~ A6 2.5TDi V6 Quattro Sport

MIB#26 two#54(soiled) UKRMMA#26 BOTAFOT#153 X-FOT#003

 

No, it's a whole lot more bollocks than that. Trouble is, done well, it
can produce some astounding results. Problem is, doingit well, costs a
fucking fortune up front and involves complete mentality/culture change.

So most companies either look at it and put it down, or get half way
through and sack it off.



--
Dnc

B1200 - +30bhp ~|~ ZZR1100 - faster when upright
V2300 - flat cap and rug ~|~ A6 2.5TDi V6 Quattro Sport

MIB#26 two#54(soiled) UKRMMA#26 BOTAFOT#153 X-FOT#003

 

That would 'Transactional Six Sigma' - offspring of the manufacturing
stuff, but even then it should be based on hard core numbers: thats the
whole point, no hand waving guesses or assumptions, but all serious
analysis of what is actually happening.

And yes, it really does bring benefits - when its done right. You'd be
amazed what happens when you some hard stats about customer behaviour in
front of people to challenge their assumptions. Long held views 'proved'
wrong tend to generate 'interesting' discussions.

 

Nah, been married to the same chap for 32 years. Too much trouble to train a
new one. My cat is called Bear, though.

Ali

 

What do you call your bear?

--
Dnc

B1200 - +30bhp ~|~ ZZR1100 - faster when upright
V2300 - flat cap and rug ~|~ A6 2.5TDi V6 Quattro Sport

MIB#26 two#54(soiled) UKRMMA#26 BOTAFOT#153 X-FOT#003

 

Got all the brownie points, then.

Ali

 

Paradigm. Synergy.

Ali

 

How do you feel about ITIL?

Ali

 

darsy said...

Which means as much to me as compassion does to you. Wtf are you on
about?