Paging the Spanner-Wielding Pixies

Namely Pip....

The shite old Alfa is in desperate need of a new rear silencer. I've
ordered it online, and it will be with me Friday.

Don't suppose you could do me a _huge_ favour and help me with the
fitting if I pop over on Sunday, could you?

I'm sure I could manage it myself.... but I will need the car for a
400-mile round-trip Sunday evening / Monday, so need to be sure it won't
drop off ;-)

Cheers,

 

SteveH made the world a better place for us by saying..

*WUSS!*

and besides, pop into your local Kwik-Fit / ATS / dodgy garage, bung 'em a
£10 and they'll put it on for you in a matter of minutes. No scrabbling
round underneath your car, no cursing the bolt that just snapped, no picking
rust out of your eyes.

Saturday afternoon is a good time, because the fitters always appreciate a
tenner to go the pub with.


--
Pete M.

Golf Gti (For Sale)
Alfa Romeo 164 TS.
Wahey, I'm a proper petrolhead again!"
Liverpool, Great Britain.

"you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead"

 

Heh. I've played about with too many exhausts in my time. The Golf is
still awaiting some 'adjustments' - and the Janspeed on my Cinq. never
did fit properly.

It would be a good time if I could get to one - but the bits won't
arrive until Friday, so I won't get a chance.

Don't fancy risking the current box for another 400-mile round-trip.

 

SteveH was seen penning the following ode to ... whatever:

Simple. Don't fit it. Works for me.

 

Heh. It's pretty desperate at the moment - the tailpipe is about to be
fired out at a following car.....

And I don't have time to get to a professional to have it fitted.

 

Invitation for problems...
The amount of problems you have when doing this sort of thing is directly
proportional to how much you need the car in the next few hours.
In other words, something *will* go wrong; you'll be missing vital items or
you'll break vital things and the shop with the parts you need has closed
five minutes ago.

 

SteveH said....

But you have time to spend getting the car from Milton Keynes to
Flitwick and watch someone scrabbling around underneath, with the lack
of a lift and the proper equipment, in the cold while everything falls
apart at the seams....right.

--
Lozzo
ZZR1100D, GPZ500S, CB250RS x3
BOTAFOT#57/70a, BOTAFOF#57, two#49, MIB#22, TCP#7, BONY#9,
ANORAK#9, DIAABTCOD#14, UKRMT5BB, IBW#013, MIRTTH#15a/16,
BotToS#8, GP#2, SBS#10, SH#3, DFV#14, KoBV#3.
Url for ukrm newbies : http://www.ukrm.net/faq/ukrmscbt.html
http://www.glfuk.com/ for MJK Leathers in the UK.

 

Well, erm, yes.

Mainly because there's nowhere I can take it to be done on a Sunday.
Which is the only chance I'll have for the next couple of weeks.

 

Well, erm, yes.

Mainly because there's nowhere I can take it to be done on a Sunday.
Which is the only chance I'll have for the next couple of weeks.

And besides - I'll be the one scrabbling about underneath, but it will
be nice to have someone on hand with the right tools and expertise to
help if I get stuck.

 

SteveH was seen penning the following ode to ... whatever:

The Twit Fit around the corner from my place is open Sundays...

 

Aye - they are, but I've not found one around here that'll fit stuff you
take in yourself.

 

Maybe they would on a Sunday - with no bosses around - for cash....

 

SteveH made the world a better place for us by saying..

I've never found one where you couldn't [1]. If it's quiet, and the job
isn't a bad one, they'll do it.

[1] except the wankers in Newmarket ATS.[2]
[2] but it was an XJ-S system I wanted botching [3]
[3] I'd have told me to **** off as well.


--
Pete M.

Golf Gti (For Sale)
Alfa Romeo 164 TS.
Wahey, I'm a proper petrolhead again!"
Liverpool, Great Britain.

"you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead"

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Pete M

Oh dear, I've had jobs like that.

<looks in garage>

Allow me to change the tense on that statement...

 

Could you not have simply ordered the part from them? I never bother with
the pain of doing car exhausts myself.

 

Hog made the world a better place for us by saying..

it's to do with owning a decrepit Alfa.

New silencer? £110 from Kwik fit or £73 from local exhaust specialist.

Fitting is "free" on the £110 one, or £10 bung to spanner monkey.

I go for the really Pikey option and weld 'em up..

--
Pete M.

Golf Gti (For Sale)
Alfa Romeo 164 TS.
Wahey, I'm a proper petrolhead again!"
Liverpool, Great Britain.

"you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead"

 

In this case, everywhere wanted £130-£140 against £68 delivered to my
doorstep.

 

Sixty quid spare? In that case: game on. I'll fit the fucker on
Sunday for you ...

Let's see now.

<sharp intake of breath through front teeth>

Use of driveway at Pixie Central,
[car in correct place - 3rd attempt]
Loan and use of car ramps to raise rear of SOAlfa,
[watch ramps slide and car wobble, four times]
Implementation of patentpendinged method to prevent ramps sliding away
- car rear successfully elevated,
[first coffee and fag]
Deployment of extensive collection of ripping and tearing tools,
[ball gag applied to Steve]
Assumption of protective clothing; assessment of situation,
[second coffee, two fags]
Brutal removal of fucked exhaust box,
[sweeping of carbon and rust fragments]
Deployment of angle grinder and sharp cold chisels,
[ball gag tightened, spectacles removed, hands secured]
Utilisation of sockets and spanners, clamp removed
[swearing, third coffee, fag]
Eventual removal of ex-tailbox entry pipe,
[obscene grunt of relief, fourth coffee, fag]

--- LUNCHBREAK ---

Slightly pissed re-assessment of situation,
[lengthy discussion necessitating removal of ballgag]
Cutting, heating, bending, swaging, hammering and sweating,
[fifth coffee, two fags]
Second attempt to fit extensively remodelled but still non-fitting box
[heavy swearing, replacement of Steve's ball-gag, affixment of tank
tape to spectacle lenses]
Much hammering.
[new curse generation]
Welding. Tailbox now permanent fixture as it is now one with the
pipe, nearside shock mount and boot floor,
[sixth coffee, two fags]
Engine start, warmup.
[fag]
Engine off, application of copious quantities of firegum to joint,
heating with blowtorch to obviate blowing out under pressure,
[scraping globs of goo from driveway, fingers, moustache and Steve]
Engine start, run off ramps,
[happy dance on driveway; seventh coffee, two fags]
Advise Steve of bill, supply grease and buttplug (XL)
[release hands to access wallet]
Wave farewell to Steve and SOAlfa
[hear crunches, run up road and remove tank tape from spectacles]
Observe that Steve's head now compressing headlining as buttplug
flares outward dramatically towards end ...
[wave farewell, walk back to Pixie Central in gathering dusk]

Discover exhaust olive in box on driveway ...


Will that do you, Sir?

 

Well Pip, if you're supplying the ballgag, butt plug, fags, coffee
*and* lunch, I reckon you are under charging.

 

Well, Steve would be "supplying" lunch. Well, the cash for it anyway.
There's a nice country pub up the road that does superb food, see -
and with Steve's card ... Steve, of course, would still be secured and
tied to the fence on the driveway.

And the fags would come out of the customer's packet - that's only
right. I'll cough the gag and plug, but he'd best bring his own lube.

So that would come out at sixty quid in cash, forty for lunch (with
real ale at two-fifty a pint) and three parts of a packet of fags.
The pain and humiliation come free.

<reviews rates anyway>