Paging Francophones (inc. Des)

I'm off to Paris next month and being all to well aware that I've
not flexed my French language muscles in well over a decade, I'm
trying to make sure I have all the useful bits of the language
covered.

Having found myself of late using the sentence "Where is my hat?"
all too often, and thus entering the realm of the sitcom phrasebook,
I've got one last crucial phrase left to nail down.

Babelfish gives me...

"regardez, je sais que j'obtiens les mots faux, mais un moins j'essaye,
vous chatte parisienne patronising"

....which looks mostly right, but possibly loses a little in translation
and I'm not sure about the last word. I've asked a French mate and he's
suggested...

"ecoute, je sais que j'ai tous les mots de travers, mais au moins je
fait un effort de faire copain avec toi tete de con, parigo tete de veau"

Any suggestions?

Ta.

 

Hmmm yeah, I don't think "patronising" is a froggie word.

Well, I'm in the same boat as yourself, not having spoken froggie in anger
for about ten years now (used to have to go to Paris loads on bossman's
instructions for a few years, my ability to speak froggie improved several
million billion percent almost overnight). Surely though it should be
"ecoutez"? It's an order init.

Why not just stick two fingers up and kick 'em in the knackers? They're a
bunch of unwashed fairies who need to be reminded of their lowly place in
the world after all ;-)

 

Yeah, yeah, even I know all that... but surely it should have all been in
the second person plural? What with it being an "oi you!" and all that.
Or is that just German that works like that? (It works in Afrikaans too
IIRC).

 

All the while missing the point that I ended the sentence by calling the
bloke a ****, rendering any offence from misuse of second person pronouns
somewhat pointless.