Paging BGN & the sun worshippers

SO & I have decided to bugger off for a week after Xmas in search of
sun, but can't decide where to go. The criteria are:

1. The hotter the better.
2. No more than a 5 hour flight.
3. Less than £400/pp (including food/drink/everything).

SO doesn't want to do the Canaries, which wipes out the obvious choice.
She's also not keen on Tunisia, & has done Morocco & Egypt. Over to the
FOAK...

--
Krusty.

http://www.muddystuff.co.uk
http://www.muddystuff.us
Off-road classifieds

'02 MV Senna '96 Tiger '79 Fantic 250

 

Dear Mr. Krusty Friend



I am the advisor to prince UmberBogwana who has recently passed away in the
USA. We cannot transfer his substantial funds because of the law here in my
beloved Nigeria. We will be prepared to lodge 20 million Euros into you bank
account and all you need to do is come to the lovely Lagos and sign the bank
form. We will even give you a little package as a present to take home with
you. This is a special gift and can only be opened at home.



We look forward to seeing you and your partner.



Sorted.

 

400 quid per person per day will get you a fairly decent all-inclusive
resort - I'd have been able to suggest a few places in the Caribbean,
but you're restricted by your max. flight time :-/

 

Dubai.

 

Concorde doesn't fly anywhere, YTC.

 

Wouldn't like to be behind it on the road. Not without earplugs.

 

Dear Krusty,

Get a copy of a map and mark areas of Europe and the middle east on
it. Use red for HOT and blue for COLD, now reach for a piece of
string with a pin on either end, stick it in your part of the country,
work out how far "five hours away" is and then see where you can go.

I always maintain that Egypt is the best value for money if you're a
fucking northern pikey. Why have you limited the length of the
flight? I would suggest visiting places like Bangkok, Phuket, Sri
Lanka or Dubai or somewhere like Mexico or Namibia. However, if you
have a pikey wife then she'll probably go all bozz-eyed at any holiday
destination that isn't fucking Ibiza or Tenerife as anywhere with a
funny name inhabited by people with funny shaped eyes will be full of
EVIL TERRORISTS that want to blow up her fucking handbag.

£400pp per night will get you some decent hotels.
£400pp per week will get you to Tenerife and the hotel you're visiting
will be like some Benefits Agency funded canteen full of people from
Hull with buckteeth and warts. There will be English northerners
there and even worse: There will be English northern children there.
You will be able to identify the parents by their overwhelming BO,
greasy spotty face and fake Burberry baseball hats being worn in the
wrong direction. The female 'parent' will be about 15 years old and
will have paid for the whole holiday using bashed credit cards, food
stamps and money stolen from donation boxes at Co-Op grocery stores.
She will be sitting down on a white plastic chair with wobbly legs
pissed as a fart as she reaches into her overstuffed 3" PVC handbag
(which was a reduced from £399 to £2.49 in a closing down sale) to get
out her Tesco Value Cheap-Yet-Slutty(tm) Not-Quite-Red "Lippie" and
foundation set. In a few minutes she will start shouting at all
sixteen of her children for no reason before taking one into the
corner and beating it to within an inch of its life while all of the
foreign hotel staff look on in disbelief and horror as they make a
mental note to only work at hotels that serve German tourists. The
rest of the parents in the stinking buffet canteen will now cheer the
mother on and applaud at the end and talk about how they got so
bladdered last night that they shat threw a letter box as they
staggered back to the hotel from the nearest Genuine Irish Pub.

However, you are hopeless and have left booking a holiday to ONE MONTH
before travel you are now booking in peak season at an expensive time
of year and I'd be surprised if you got a domestic flight to Glasgow
and four nights in a Little Chef for £400. Just my 2p's worth. I
suggest you go to your local branch of Pike-Travel and say while
"Hello, I'd like a late deal at Christmas time!!!" and wait for the
whole shop to laugh in your face shortly before they stone you to
death, rip off your head and spit down your windpipe.

One can generally book long and short haul flights nine or ten months
in advance. Sort out next Christmas in February and don't come back
to your caring BGN Travel Specialist until then.

Kindest Regards,

BGN.

 

400pp/pd would be lovely, but as it looks like I'll be jobless come the
end of Jan, it ain't gonna happen.

--
Krusty.

http://www.muddystuff.co.uk
http://www.muddystuff.us
Off-road classifieds

'02 MV Senna '96 Tiger '79 Fantic 250

 

We'd love to do Dubai, but I suspect it would stretch the funds a tad.
Unless of course you want to pop down & offer me a job while I'm there,
in which case, sorted!

--
Krusty.

http://www.muddystuff.co.uk
http://www.muddystuff.us
Off-road classifieds

'02 MV Senna '96 Tiger '79 Fantic 250

 

We did Cyprus a few months back, but it's definitely an option. Not
sure about Turkey - it could all get very confusing, being Xmas 'n' all.


--
Krusty.

http://www.muddystuff.co.uk
http://www.muddystuff.us
Off-road classifieds

'02 MV Senna '96 Tiger '79 Fantic 250

 

I thought it was fairly obvious that my first reply was - to a certain
extend - tongue in cheek, and rather than really suggesting that I'd
spend 400 pppd on a holiday, was more a comment on the fact I think
looking for "all costs covered" holiday for a week for 2 people for 800
quid is a little optimistic.

I think the most I've spent on a 2-person holiday was an all-inclusive
resort in Antigua, but where I spent some time off-resort on
activities, and bought a few bits and pieces out there. The total bill
was (from memory, so rounded down to the nearest thousand) >5000ukp for
2 people for 10 days. It was a bloody luxurious holiday, and that
figure works out at 250 pppd, so yes, for 400 I'd expect something
pretty damn special.

 

it always brings a smile to my face with highly-paid
rich-boy-bike-owning EKS try and cry poverty...

 

I like that idea - especially if we do it blindfolded.

Just because really. I hate long flights when you've only got 7 days to
play with including travelling.

One of the above (or somewhere similar) will be visited later in the
year when we've got more time, funds allowing.

Just the opposite as it happens. She prefers going to places with
totally different cultures for a 'main' holiday. It doesn't matter so
much when you're just after a bit of sun though.

We don't do planning. It's much more fun this way.


--
Krusty.

http://www.muddystuff.co.uk
http://www.muddystuff.us
Off-road classifieds

'02 MV Senna '96 Tiger '79 Fantic 250

 

[snip superb rant]

*applause*

Having a bad day? )

 

Highly paid? You've gotta be kidding. And I'm sure most home-owners
could spend the same on a bike if they remortgaged, as I did.

--
Krusty.

http://www.muddystuff.co.uk
http://www.muddystuff.us
Off-road classifieds

'02 MV Senna '96 Tiger '79 Fantic 250

 

It is?

We've just booked a week in the Algarve in March. Total cost for
flights, apartment and car hire is about £280.....

 

You should get out more. For £400pp per week I will get a week in Tenerife
half board in a really nice 4 or 5 star hotel this time of year.

 

For 2 people? Must be somewhere particularly shit.

Also, you're not going to eat or drink when you're there, then? 'Cos
even allowing for the slightly unbelievably cheap price of £140 quid
per head, I don't know about you, but I'd be hard pushed to enjoy a
holiday only spending £260/head per week on food and drink (that's
less than 20 quid/day, ffs).

 

why can't anyone read the fucking OP.

He wanted 400pppw all fucking inclusive, flights and everything.

 

I think he was excluding pikey holidays. And don't forget you've still
got food, drink, petrol, parking etc.

--
_______
..'_/_|_\_'. Ace (brucedotrogers a.t rochedotcom)
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