OT leaving home

About as off topic as you can get, but you lot are the biggest pool of
people with vastly varied experiences that I have quick access to.
This is a request for you to share life experience, particularly the
blokes. Brought on by eldest side swiping me last night with an 'I'm
thinking of moving out'.

For those of you who've escaped parental clutches, how did you leave
home? Was it organised, impulsive? Did you go off to uni, coming home
in the holidays? Did you sneak out in the middle of the night vowing
never to return? How did you manage the finances? What do you wish you
knew then that you know now? Did you move in with a partner , friends
or on your own?

If you don't want to put it up on here and share with the masses I'd
be grateful if you'd drop me a line at threads at my isp in the
headers.

 

I fucked off abroad for almost 3 years to make my fortune and spend it
all before I came home. I did a top job off it and would recommend it
to anyone.

Being more sensible about it I'd say tell him to get on with it but
expect him to bring home his washing on a regular basis and pop round
for a 'chat' when it's food time at home.

 

I was 19, had just been made redundant and the following week landed a
job in Chesterfield, they offered relocation, I accepted. I commuted
for a week before deciding if I'd actually stay, went househunting for a
couple of weeks, then put an offer in on a house after getting a 99.5%
mortgage.

I wish I'd have known that I could have afforded a house in Brampton,
rather than one in Whittington. It would have saved me hundreds of
pounds in taxi fares, and I'd have done better when house prices rose...
other than that, no regrets at all.

 

Uni. Living with friends / in halls etc. can be a complete pain in the arse.
IMO best bet is to tell him to move in with someone he's been on a camping
holiday or similar with and could actually still stand / speak to after. If
he's got a job or goes to college, make sure he's living with someone doing
something similar - there is nothing worse than having to be up at 7am and
living with people who are up until 4 and 5 most days, as after a couple of
months you basically cease to function. If he's not house trained, he'll
need to learn fast.

IMO that's the worst thing with most people around my age that I've lived
with - people are either used to mum running around cleaning up, having no
idea of a) how to cook or b) that things need to be cleaned up, or have been
given a bit of sink or swim treatment by parents and can manage everything
quite happily. To give you an idea of how bad some people are, a mate had
one of his female flatmates ask if the shell went into the bowl too when she
was making a sponge cake.

Never really had any money trouble, apart from a couple of stupid phone
bills. Other than that, finance and organisation wise, be very careful when
finding a house, as if you're anywhere near a uni you're likely to have
people trying to rent complete shit which is unsafe and overpriced.

IMO there's not a huge amount you can do to influence things at the moment -
how he'll act is defined by how he's been brought up and his attitude to
things. Some people leave home knowing what to do, others don't. Some of
them, particularly one of my mates, learn after a year or so of boom and
bust living and eating at restaurants constantly will learn how to cook and
run their money. The more feckless ones seem to carry on like that forever,
and end up constantly broke however much they're earning.

 

On Sat, 23 Jun 2007 13:42:06 +0100, ginge

snip>

I'd rate the mental scars the worst bit about living in Whittington.
Was it the chemical plant at Stavely that turned you ginga?

 

It wasn't exactly great, but it was cheap, quiet, and trouble free.
Definitely could have done worse.

No, thankfully that was the other side of the hill, so the wind blew all
the fumes down into Stavely and Clowne, as evidenced by the locals in
Stavely.

 

I left home to France to work when I was 17, when I returned my parents had
moved... sods!

Tracked them down within a couple of hours though as they had only moved
into the next road and had left the house number with the next door
neighbour for me... phew!

David

 

This is sort of what I expected him to do, or go to Uni. Not **** off
while still doing A levels and a part time job.

I'd like him to finish his A levels first.

I may ban him from using the washing machine

 

That's the 13 year old. If she was moving out I'd be packing for her

He doesn't pay board.

Absolutely right, he wants them he can get them.

My leaving home was similarly acrimonious. I speak to them now.

I'd miss him, horribly. He's my star. He pats my hand when I cry at
soppy stuff on the telly. He's full of wisdom far beyond his years.
And I'll stop typing before I get even more mushy and cry.

It's weird. I really want them to leave home so I can sell the house
and **** off out the country on the proceeds, that's been my plan for
years, but I don't think he's ready yet. How do you tell when they are
ready?

 

That's the sort of sensible leaving home I expected.

Could you cook or did you survive on takeaways?

 

Mmm. Coalite.

 

Clowne, what a dump.
My god son lives in Palterton

--
Dan L

http://thebikeshed.spaces.live.com/
1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr

BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005/6/7)
X-FOT#000
DIAABTCOD #26
BOMB#18 (slow)
OMF#11

 

So he isn't going to be getting somewhere on his own?

Robert (my youngest) is currently living at his friends house and
paying his friends mother some board money rather than living at home.
That isn't leaving home by my definition but I can see why he's doing
it (1) rather than stay at home and be pissed off.

Perhaps he's looking for a bribe?

His sister may let him in the house when you're not there.

 

Leaving home

It looks as if it is to move in with his g/f and some mates. We had
Random Homeless Teenager here for a while and him and his g/f moved in
together after leaving mine so eldest is looking at that and thinking
on the same lines.

Nods. I ended up in emergency accomodation for a couple of weeks in my
teens and I was the only one working. It was awful.

He's reasonably house trained, though his room is still a tip.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

If he moves out it is going to be the ultimate sink or swim.

That's bad.

He'll discuss and debate then make his own mind up. I've done a
reasonable job, I think.

See ex husband for details.

 

snip>

When they stop threatening to leave home.

 

Speaking as someone who made a fantastic **** up of A-levels, he's either
going to work at it or he's not, depending on whether he wants to. I was
convinced they'd be like every other exam I'd sat and that I'd learn it all
the day before, and come out with sparkling grades. Seemed like a bit of a
disaster at the time but a combination of that and doing shit jobs has made
me realise that actually doing some work once in a while is worth bothering
with, and I'm going to be working in a field completely different from
anything I studied at A-level. The only people who I know who are working in
what they studied at (very few people IME) are people who sat down and
seriously thought about what they wanted to do - I hadn't a clue at that age
so I bimbled though A-levels.

Also, A-level grades do affect what uni you can get into, but my experience
of that is that it's what you make of it. I go to the ex poly, and one of my
housemates goes to the red brick uni, and she's learnt **** all in 2 years
because she's simply not bothering to go and getting away with it - if
someone did that on my course, they'd be out. The teaching at my uni is IMO
generally very good for the main part, but the intake is generally not of
the same calibre as a "proper" uni's. The end result is that if you bother
doing the work, and get some actual experience, you're not terrifically
disadvantaged by not going to the "best" uni.

 

I'm not sure there is such as thing as ready to move out. There's a period
of flapping about and then you get everything sorted IMO.

 

%< %< %<

I left home right out of high school and enlisted in the air force. This
was in 1965 during the viet nam 'conflict'.

No. 1 daughter just moved out to get her own place with friends.

No. 2 daughter stole then gf/s car and headed for the tall and uncut.
When she was released from the gaol she went to live with her mum. A few
weeks later I received a call from the ex saying she had run away yet
again.

 

Is this a recurring UKRM theme

 

I think that would be excellent advice. Bit of mum type stability to get
through the school type exams then off out into the cold world to succeed or
fail, like most folk.