On the subject of health and safety

I popped into the office this week, for the first time in a while, and
noticed that the place is now littered with posters from the Health & Safety
Executive.

What's particularly got me is the poster by the coffee machine encouraging
us to clean up any spills.

It's headline is, "80% of all of the serious injuries from trips and slips
result in fractures".

As I drink 80 cups of coffee a day and I've had a day and a half in the
office this week I've had to read that headline 120 times and now I'm
planning to firebomb the offices of the HSE, which can be neither healthy
nor safe. Illiterate fuckers.

--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
Kawasaki ZX-6R J1, Fiat Coupe 20v Turbo
BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, DS#5, COSOC# Suspended, KotTFSTR#
The speccy Geordie twat.

 

What a ludicrous statistic. Is there any other type of serious injury that
could result from a trip or slip? I suppose there's spike-impalement ...

 

Yeah, you'd think they'd know better than to use an apostrophe in the
gender-neutral singular possessive pronoun, wouldn't you?

Oh, hang on, that was your bit, wasn't it? Well done.

 

That was part of the problem, but I was more bothered by the implication
that a serious injury may result in a fracture.

--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
Kawasaki ZX-6R J1, Fiat Coupe 20v Turbo
BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, DS#5, COSOC# Suspended, KotTFSTR#
The speccy Geordie twat.

 

Now, now, you know the rules. All spelling and grammar flames must include
at least one error.

--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
Kawasaki ZX-6R J1, Fiat Coupe 20v Turbo
BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, DS#5, COSOC# Suspended, KotTFSTR#
The speccy Geordie twat.

 

I know, hence why I said "Well done".

Perhaps you should print out an official-looking poster saying something
like "80% of all warning notices contain grammatical or factual errors.
Please ensure your warning notice has been proof-read." and stick it
next to it?

 

You're lucky, there doesn't seem to be a working coffee machine in the
whole of our building. You'd that that the worlds largest IT consultancy
would at least be able to get a few coffee machines fixed...

 

Which of the various "largest IT consultancies" is that, then?

Can't be this one here, 'cos we've got a working coffee machine.

 

At least the HSE didn't include the statistic "The remaining 20% of
slips and trips cause fatal injuries resulting in death".

 

The same one as the esteemed Mr R

White, with extra sugar ta.

 

Or mine, we've got a coffee shop.

 

Oh, them. I've got a feeling I might have to talk to some of your lot
soon, 'cos they'll be running the stuff that we've developed. Thrilling.

Sure. I'm afraid it's whitener, rather than milk. Is that OK?

 

You want to talk to somebody, you do, you've got a contractual right to free
tea and coffee.

--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
Kawasaki ZX-6R J1, Fiat Coupe 20v Turbo
BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, DS#5, COSOC# Suspended, KotTFSTR#
The speccy Geordie twat.

 

Won't be our bit. We seem to have an aversion to using any software
developed after circa 1995.

Anything which help to dull the taste of the 'coffee's' fine by me.

 

A shop? You have to *pay* for your coffee? =8-O

Mind, maybe that way you get decent coffee. I'm this -><- close to
bringing in my own coffee and one of those mugs with the built-in
cafetiere - the stuff from the machine makes me shudder when I drink it.

 

Oh, certainly not. It's Oop North stuff.

I think it'd be a case of the "cure being worse than the disease", but
if you're sure... I'll go and get it now, it'll be on my desk whenever
you're ready for it.

 

Well, if I'm in my own office it's free, but I have to boil a kettle.

If I'm making use of Big Blue's office space then the coffee shop does
the trick. I've heard there are such things as coffee machines but
I've never used one.

*ding*.

 

I'll mention it. Apparently there's a machine working somewhere on the 2nd
floor, presumably in a locked cupboard with a "beware of the leopard" sign
on the door.

 

We've got one of those, and a brand new bean-to-cup vending machine. I give
it 10 days before it breaks down.

 

I wish we had.

Our vending machines even charge for hot water FFS.