Oh, shiit ...

Discussion in 'UK Motorcycles' started by Pip, Oct 3, 2003.

Page 1 of 2
  1. Pip

    Pip Guest

    I was sitting here minding my own business, see, like I do. Catching
    up, as it were, with the great and goof (I'll leave that typo) of
    uk.r.m. ... when I got a bit of a nibble on. You know how it goes,
    right?

    So, I shuffled into the kitchen. Had a bit of a look about, didn't
    fancy fruit much, couldn't work up enthusiasm for tomatoes - let alone
    the energy for sarny mantling. Inspiration struck in the shape of
    brekky cereal - always good for a casual scoff, low in fat, bit of
    carbowotsit and all the riboflavin you can shake a stick at.

    Severalteen handfuls of Kellog's rather fucking scrumptious Apricot
    Nibbles later, I read the (upside-down) box properly.

    Fucking All-Bran. Fucking cunting bran? Health food? With my
    reputation and manly physique? With my fine beard and hairstyle to
    support? JesusHtapdancin'Keeristonnastick. Ptui.

    Then the "other" bran-like function occurred to me.
    As did the question of maximum dose.

    Even google's newly-discovered and suitably vaunted conversion ability
    won't tell me what effect two mittfuls every five minutes over the
    last hour or so will have. **** me sideways - well, you might as
    welll do it now, because my arse ain't gonna be fit for anything else
    for a while.

    I'm off to the smallest room, to await events.

    I may be some time.




    Anybody got a cork?
     
    Pip, Oct 3, 2003
    #1

    1. Advertisements

  2. Pip

    petrolcan Guest

    LOL. RTFM?
    Nope, but I can get you a nappy :)
     
    petrolcan, Oct 3, 2003
    #2

    1. Advertisements

  3. Pip

    Lozzo Guest

    Pip had a fit and wibbled.....
    Oh **** !
    On its way down. I also have earplugs and a noseclip.

    --
    Lozzo
    ZZR1100D, GPZ500S, various CB250RSs
    BOTAFOT#57/70a, BOTAFOF#57, two#49, MIB#22, TCP#7, BONY#9,
    ANORAK#9, DIAABTCOD#14, UKRMT5BB, IBW#013, MIRTTH#15a/16,
    BotToS#8, GP#2, SBS#10, SH#3, DFV#14, KoBv#3.
    Url for ukrm newbies : http://www.ukrm.net/faq/ukrmscbt.html
    www.mjkleathers.com
     
    Lozzo, Oct 3, 2003
    #3
  4. Pip

    JackH Guest

    Yeah, but too much fibre will have the opposite effect - you end up bunged
    up lock, stock and barrel.

    Whether that will apply in a one off, rather than a longer term sustained
    assault on your intestines, remains to be seen... in the next few hours.
    Pah, you've survived a Rusholme special after several pints of bitter...
    this should seem like a walk (or should that be squat), in the park by
    comparison.
     
    JackH, Oct 3, 2003
    #4
  5. Pip

    Platypus Guest

    You're doomed, it'll rip through you within minutes. Listen for a
    sucking sound - it'll be youre arse kissing you goodbye.

    There is no minimum dose.
    Ever heard of pyroclastic flow? The worst bit is right at the
    commencement of the outflow jet phase. If there's an overpressure
    event, you'll get everted rim wraparound, which in layman's terms means
    that there's a big bang, your knees hit your chin, and you find yourself
    wearing your ringpiece round your waist.

    ....and when it's all over, only dogs will hear you fart.
    Earplugs. Nose plugs. Butt plugs.


    --
    Platypus - Faster Than Champ
    VN800 Drifter, R80RT
    DIAABTCOD#2 GPOTHUF#19
    BOTAFOS#6 BOTAFOT#89 FTB#11
    BOB#1 SBS#35 ANORAK#18 TWA#15
     
    Platypus, Oct 3, 2003
    #5
  6. Pip

    JackH Guest

    Oh the joys of an over active imagination... :p
     
    JackH, Oct 3, 2003
    #6
  7. Pip

    Wik Guest

    <LOL!>

    Quality mate, quality!

    That definitely deserves a

    HAAR!

    :-D
     
    Wik, Oct 3, 2003
    #7
  8. Pip

    Wik Guest

    <LOL!>
     
    Wik, Oct 3, 2003
    #8
  9. Pip

    Ginge Guest

    No shit, mate. [1]

    [1] I mean litterally no shit, just gravy.
     
    Ginge, Oct 3, 2003
    #9
  10. Pip

    Power Grainger Guest

    So what was the outcome [ahem]?
     
    Power Grainger, Oct 3, 2003
    #10
  11. Pip

    Pip Guest

    Not quite as bad as feared, tyvm. Considerable intestinal disturbance
    and a degree of flatulence beyond the norm, however.

    I shan't be repeating the experiment.
     
    Pip, Oct 3, 2003
    #11
  12. Pip

    Pip Guest

    Received and implemented.
    More runs not required, ta.
     
    Pip, Oct 3, 2003
    #12
  13. Pip

    Pip Guest

    Do you know, you're right. Next door's dogs have been going eppy this
    morning. What a way to get back at the yapping fuckers - ultrasonic
    fart transmissions ...
    Implemented - and still in place ;-)
     
    Pip, Oct 3, 2003
    #13
  14. Pip

    Pip Guest

    Not to mention an EEeeuwwww .... pffffftrppp ... eew.
     
    Pip, Oct 3, 2003
    #14
  15. Pip

    Pip Guest

    Rivets! They could be the answer!
     
    Pip, Oct 3, 2003
    #15
  16. Pip

    JH Guest

    Trust me i've tried everything in these circumstances, leave the window
    open, make a will and prey.

    Think yourself lucky you don't get IBS, you get all this fun without having
    to down the all bran...

    JH
     
    JH, Oct 3, 2003
    #16
  17. Pip

    jsp Guest

    Heh. Very good. :)

    --
    John

    SV650
    Black it is
    and naked
     
    jsp, Oct 3, 2003
    #17
  18. Pip

    Owen Guest

    snip
    Gimp suit optional?
    --
    O -----
    1 Black, 1 Red. | o |
    Numbers ... | o |
    Egocentric statement | ooo |
    -----
     
    Owen, Oct 3, 2003
    #18
  19. Pip

    Platypus Guest

    So what happens when the suit is full?

    --
    Platypus - Faster Than Champ
    VN800 Drifter, R80RT
    DIAABTCOD#2 GPOTHUF#19
    BOTAFOS#6 BOTAFOT#89 FTB#11
    BOB#1 SBS#35 ANORAK#18 TWA#15
     
    Platypus, Oct 4, 2003
    #19
  20. Pip

    Oldbloke Guest

    Heh, followed by a barrelfull of Percy Dalton's finest, then the ratbike
    could get a pebbledashed matt black paint finish.

    --
    Oldbloke

    2000 Honda CB500
    BOTAFOT #140
    "He's like Robbo's chubby kid brother"
     
    Oldbloke, Oct 4, 2003
    #20

    1. Advertisements

Page 1 of 2
Ask a Question

Want to reply to this thread or ask your own question?

You'll need to choose a username for the site, which only take a couple of moments (here). After that, you can post your question and our members will help you out.
Similar Threads
There are no similar threads yet.
Loading...