What a fuckin' day I've day! I was a bit late getting up this morning as SWMBO is quite partial to a bit of mousey minge munching on a Sunday morning. So once I'd satisfied her lust for all things cheesy, I crawled out the nest & went outside to suck on a fat one. So there I am, blisfully puffing away, when one of them fucking girt big feathery freaks nabs me by the short & curlies & whisks me off into the ether. Luckily I had a knife secreted about my person (bit kinky my missus), so I was able to free myself with a bit of deft poking at the feathered freak's goolies. I spread me legs & started free-falling back towards me garden, but it all went pear-shaped. One of those fucking noisy two-wheeled cunts only went & headbutted me on the way down didn't they. What a pissing shitter. He was a right ugly fucker too, & not just yer normal leather-clad tosser - this one had a freakin' Lazer strapped to his head! Not just any old Lazer either. Oh no, this was yer latest super-dooper Revolution version - said it right there in black & white it did. Anyway, fuck this for a game of monkeys thinks I, so I scrambled over the top of his bonce & jumped onto the back of his bike. He didn't stop to finish me off thank fuck, so I hid under the seat until I could make my escape. Only by now I'm so fucking pissed off, I decided to teach the twat a lesson. So I pulled out me wifi laptop (bit kinky my missus), fired up that interweby thingy, & Gurgled for wiring diagrams. A few nibbles here & there & that's that cunt sorted. I love the smell of shrinkwrap in the morning - ayeeee.
