Nicked from elsewhere

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the
activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed
to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the
right.

So some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows
on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family
grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her,
then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're
looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."

 

Damn, thought that might be my laptop. Some bastard broke into my flat
earlier. Didn't even force force the locks though ... only a yale to get
through.

 

Wot, Yale cylinder latch? You can get a dreadock variety where you turn
the key twice...

 

http://www.toool.nl/bumping.pdf

 

That could help.

I''ve been told by a neighbour there was a black bloke in a brown jacket
hanging about.

That'll narrow it ..

 

The message <4404f423$>

/resists dread pun/