My Holiday In the Tropical Sun

We went to this place:-

http://www.clubambiance.com/index.htm

Mainly I went there because firstborn was getting married[1] and she
did.

So being as I was only actually needed for the signing of the register
bit I had some time to kill and I did.

Two Hardlys ridden by Janitors and one other Proper Motorcycle making
the Most Holy of signs rid by a young lad about town with burd in white
frilly frock perched appropriately on the back heading into a local
watering hole one evening.


'Scooter Mania' on the main drag[2] along the coast had three scoots
next to his block hut, two I could see were second hand from 50 yards
away as we drove past. I suspect the third was not much better.


In many respects my holiday was almost exactly the same as a ukrm do; I
ate, I drank, I smoked, I talked an awful lot of bollox, I went home at
the end of it a happier bunny than when I arrived.


The food was really rather good. The bananas and corn on the cob
particularly. And the fruit in general. Jerk chicken: those of you who
have never had it cooked by a local who I was more than happy to address
respectfully as Chef simply do not understand.


The welcome I received from my hosts brings a tear to my eye at the
remembering. They were outstanding. Not without motive mind, every
time some **** said "wassup mon" it cost you a fucking dollar US. I am
glad they preferred it to sterling.


Tours varied as to value for money. I am glad I declared myself unfit
for Dunn's River Falls. Despite nagging doubts I simply had to do the
swimming with the Dolphins one but they were downright expensive. The
local strip club was satisfyingly seedy. I deliberately sought at a
local for the Ocho Rios Shopping Trip[3]. The glittering bay thing with
the phosphorescent algae was such good value for money it was untrue and
then it started raining and it got even better[4]. My spirit was rising
like a ballistic rocket man.


I travelled alone which made the whole affair a tad on the expensive
side. Although in a sense my pot of half full because the education I
just bought myself will enable me to go back at some time and have a
just as much fun but for longer at no extras expense. I am not sure I
can afford to even think about it but I am planning on going back with a
bit of luck somewhere around march/april 2007. Snot as humid
apparently[5].


I really did enjoy the whole affair


and the sniffer dog survived they told me.





[1] I have got some piccies of her in a white frock for the wimmin to
coo over which I will bung up later. I have best part of two and a half
hours of tape to review so the video may be a day or two.

[2] We were about an hour from the airport along what they call the A1.
They are doing it up with whatever money is left over from the
gummint[2.1] having the Bauxite[2.2] money in their back pockets and
does it need doing up. Anybody who has ridden down a B road would
recognise the width and wigglyness and the closeness of the vegetation
and stuff 'cept we get unbroken tarmac and they don't. They have been
rebuilding it for 4 years and the reckon another five. Bollox will it
be, ten more like, they don't move fast even when they have got the
money.

[2.1] Well not so much the gummint but the blokes what are the gummint.
If the gummint had it then it might be spent on better health care and
schools and shit, according to the workers. I dare say the gummint have
a different view but I can see what the workers are on about, it ain't
hard and you don't have to travel far up the road to see it either.

[2.2] They are *very* proud of the fact that they export it to New
Zealand for some odd reason.


[3] Bless him, he gave me a cracking afternoon, 10 dollars and a couple
of beers well spent that.

I didn't know they don't do rolling baccy out there and I had run out
when I had gambled that I might be able to get some Dutch shag at very
worst and figured that he was going to earn his money and do his best to
get me some Golden. He wasn't a cigarette smoker in a culture that has
a different interpretation of hand rolled smoking products so he didn't
really understand what is was I was after but having had a chat with a
buddy of his and knowing full well he was on to A Good Thing, especially
if he did good, we offed it to the 100% genuine local market where I
parted with 5 dollars and got a bag full of not yet rolled Cuban cigars
back. It was disgusting.



[4] and then a bit worse cos I found out the best part of 150 bucks had
floated out of me keks and out of me life forever when I went for a swim
in it. Hard on the staff at the end of me holiday that one was. There
you go, there is winners and losers. The chamber maid got paid though,
I made sure of that. Of all of them she was the one who I simply
*never* saw without the most beautiful white smile I have ever seen
spread all over her face and when she said hello it was like being
caressed. Right cheery little fat sparra she was.


[5] They are noticing what we take for granted: the weather. They have
had a lot of it this year around that area and they are really rather
more accustomed to having a climate. There was *another* later than
usual tropic storm building when I arrived and it spent three or four
days going in circles teasing everybody rotten before disappearing of to
merkainia to become a vicious little gang not quite growed-up tornados a
little too far east of normal and ended up making New York a bit cold.
Everybody but the merkins cheered.

 

Did they have whores on room service?

'Hog

 

'Hog wrote

No room service and it was all bought and paid for up front in the
package, you just had to go down the bar and pick one. No doubt a
definite lottery with regard to availability of basic resources but a
sufficiency of turnover that there is enough to go round somewhere in a
two week period.

 

Do you own this?

<snip holiday brochure and wait for the DVD>

I actually enjoyed that Mr. A, I bet you got a temperature shock when you
got back.

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, steve auvache amazed us all with this pearl of
wisdom:

<Big snip>

Welcome back, Steve )

 

Molly wrote

I wish, it is a nice little earner and very well situated for the
attractions on the north of the island. A couple turned up yesterday
who run a caff in Ibiza, they were impressed

I have just had a quick look, there are one or two half decent shots in
among the dross, I might get enough to tell the tale a different way.

Not too bad but as the evening is wearing on I am noticing certainly.

 

Whinging Courier wrote

I am enjoying me tea. The water out there is safe to drink but of
necessity is heavy with chlorine.

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, steve auvache amazed us all with this pearl of
wisdom:

Which tea are you drinking.

I'm about to start on a few bottles of ale before I hit the sack in
about an hour.

 

Whinging Courier wrote

PG Tips in pyramid bags.

G'night .

 

To Bluff, probably.

I'll send you a piccie of where it ends up, if you like.
--
| ___ Salad Dodger
|/ \
_/_____\_ GL1500SE-V/CBR1100XX-X/CBX1000Z
|_\_____/_| ..78895.../...19992.../..31257.
(>|_|_|<) TPPFATUICG#7 DIAABTCOD#9 YTC#4
|__|_|__| BOTAFOT #70 BOTAFOF #09 two#11
\ |^| / IbW#0 & KotIbW# BotTOS#6 GP#4
\|^|/ ANORAK#17 IbB#4 PM#5 WG*
'^' RBR 2005: Abandoned - Bronze Award.

 

Salad Dodger wrote

If you say so I believe it.

Please do but you needn't restrict it's distribution just for my
benefit. Post it up on yer web page for the whole wide world to see.
Or wait five minutes and some sad bastard will post a link to his
complete life history.