MOT testers

took the LC4 out for a spin earlier, and then to the very odd shop[1]
in Enfield town that sells weird things and does bike MOTs.

The tester wasn't one I'd seen before, but he was an (unintentially)
hilarious stereotype of a North Londoner.

I had to listen to his interminable rants about his shitty (pre SRAD)
GSRX750 streetfighter (and it was parked there, so I could see how
shit it was) and some 175cc Yamaha 2-stroke (which I didn't even know
existed) and also some old 1980's Ford Escort that he'd swapped
engines with another one that had been nicked (or something, I wasn't
totally paying attention) but the bit that made me cringe/crack up
inside was along the lines of:

him: "well, in those days the old bill was constantly on the watch for
me, what with me being on parole and that, and anyway, I was driving
me Escort, and it was in still in grey primer and no lights, so should
have been a bit stealthy, and as it happened, I had this right dirty
bird from Chingford in the passenger seat - **** knows if I could
remember her name but she really was a right filthy **** - and anyway,
driving along, maybe admittedly doing a ton down Meridian Way, these
two old bill pulls me over, and - I couldn't believe it, and you won't
believe it..."

me: "what?"

him: "no, really, you wouldn't fucking believe it!"

me: "what?"

him: "they were *both* fucking coons!"

(at this point the other mechanic hanging around, not actually doing
anything chipped in with "I was once working as a security guard
somwhere in Sarf London - Croydon maybe, but I'd been off me 'ead on
puff all afternoon, and instead of getting home to Enfield, I found
myself being pulled over by a couple of nigger coppers 10 miles
outside of Dover - fucking cunts")


I didn't think these people still existed.

But, importantly, the LC4 went through the MOT with no advisories or
anything.


[1] Lozzo knows the place.

 

Nice to have a tester who can play the wh.., er who plays fair.

 

Funny how 'fair' also means 'light coloured', isn't it?

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Ace

<gives Ace black look>

 

Lighten up a bit, eh?

 

It's a burden and no mistake.

 

I do, it's a fucking weird set-up they have there. That 2-stroke traily
is a Yamaha DT175MX and the last time I saw it that thing was damn near
mint condition - I even tried to buy it off him. Once upon a time I
bought Beelzebub a lovely pocket knife from that shop for her birthday
IIRC.

 

<looks sternly at darsy>

You've never heard of a DT175MX?!? Shame on you!

 

Whatever in the world gave you that idea? This country is a racist now as it
ever was and it's going to get worse as immigration rises.

My Zed's due for its MOT in a week or two.

 

Matthews?

 

though I was well aware of their range of shotguns and air-rifles, I
was frankly staggered by the amount of handguns they have on display -
I had been lead to believe such things were illegal in the UK.

 

no, I have, but the bloke in question was talking as if it was some
sort of track bike.

Though, of course, he could have meant a /dirt/ track.

 

*cough*

 

<fx: puts on Motorhead>

 

You win some, lose some, all the same to me.

 

But I _do_ want to live forever.

 

not a sentiment all of us share.

 

You _don't_ want me to live forever? You nasty shit, you.

 

you come across as surprised!

 

well, exactly - there's only so much of it you can take, eh?