Learning abut guilt

In uk.rec.motorcycles, Dave Jennings belched forth and ejected the
following:

I told a similar lie regarding my guinea pig and a Scalextric set

 

Quality. Has anyone put a hamster into a radio-controlled boat? Or
better still, one of those model rockets?

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Rope

Ross give you lift, did he?

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of
the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

<vvvbg>

you're a bad man.

it's why I/we like you.


--
Dnc

B1200 - +30bhp ~|~ ZZR1100 - faster when upright
V2300 - flat cap and rug ~|~ A6 2.5TDi V6 Quattro Sport

MIB#26 two#54(soiled) UKRMMA#26 BOTAFOT#153 X-FOT#003

 

LOL. You bad man.

 

<fx: nostalgia>
One of the funniest threads I remember on UKRM was about getting a
worming tablet into a cat...

(For those who don't remember, the 'final solution' was to feed the
pill to the hamster first! <VBG>)

Chris D

 

I think this one was courtesy of Windy:

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

01. Pick the cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat
opens mouth pop pill into it, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

02. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa and repeat
process.

03. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

04. Take new pill from foil wrapper. Cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

05. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
partner in from garden.

06. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler. Rub
cat's throat vigorously.

07. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrapper. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep 'Doulton' figures
from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

08. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lay on cat with cat's head
just visible from below partner's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force cat's mouth open with a pencil and blow down drinking straw.

09. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply plaster to partner's armpit and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed and get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open
with dessert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw
t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring for fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road and
apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front and back paws together with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garden
shed and pry cat's mouth open with a small spanner. Push pill into mouth
followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour
pint of water down throat to wash down pill.

14., Get partner to drive you to A & E and sit quietly while the doctors
stitch fingers and forearms and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call
in furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

15, Arrange for local animal welfare society to collect cat and ring local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

 

Coo ta Dan - I thought I'd saved it and I hadn't. Have now.

--
Marina Mayes - Reading, UK. To email me remove XX from my address
SR250 - on the road again. BOTAFOT12, BOD#2, BOTAFOS#2
KotLBOD#s, KotLBOTAFOS#s,IMC#2, Tart#10-19, SR#3
I never give in to fear or blackmail; I always give in to temptation.
"You're a national treasure" - porl, 18.1.03

 

You're probably right - but the hamster bit was in one of the
followups... ...prolly bear or similar...
<fx: gazes into mid distance with happy smile>

Chris D