Inland Revenue Audit

Subject: Inland Revenue Audit

The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an
appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is
not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a
demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!"

Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my other
eye."

The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid,
with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Would you
like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pound
that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on
the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he
strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side,
so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss
into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here
and pee all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"

 

My uncle paid for his first house on a day at Melbourne races.

 

My Canadian great grandfather lost his share of gold mine in a card game.
My grandfather used to have a small nugget from the mine attached to his
watch chain as a memento.