I laughed.

And laughed and laughed. Fair cheered up a dreary commute, that did.

So there I was, in lane 3 of the M25 and it was actually moving at a
reasonable rate of knots, 70-ish. Lanes 1 and 2 are full, and moving
slightly slower. Ahead of me in lane 2 there's an artic with a
standard-issue rep-mobile[1] stuck *right* up its chuff.

"He's going to lurch out" thinks I, and sure enough as I get alongside
his rear bumper, he starts to drift into my lane, with nary an indicator
in sight. Well, that was rude, wasn't it? I gave him a cheery toot on
the quite loud GTS horn to indicate that I was there and not in any
hurry to die.

Well. That was a mortal insult, wasn't it? Matey lurches briefly left,
then hurtles right. He's then in the mirror giving it wanker signs, the
middle finger, two finger, fist-shaking, some BSL that I couldn't
interpret, all whilst maintaining eye-contact in the mirror.

It didn't seem to occur to him to wonder why he was maintaining
eye-contact with a rider who was getting further away. On account of
being on the brakes. On account of having seen what matey hadn't...

When he'd finally satisfied his honour, he took a brief moment to look
ahead. At three lanes of stationary traffic.

Respect is due to the designers of the ABS on the standard-issue
repmobile, I thought there was *no way* he was going to stop. But stop
he did. With much slithering and sliding. With at least an inch to
spare. Damn it.

Actually, he would have hit the guy in front if *he* hadn't seen what
was going on and pulled right forward.

As I filtered past I took a look at Mr Fat&Angry. He was slumped over
his steering wheel as if he'd had a heart attack. Never know your luck,
do you?

Laughed all the way home, I did.

[1]Burgundy, it was.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets
and Ducati Race Engineer.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

I would've stopped and knocked on the window...

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Cane

I should have done, shouldn't I?

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets
and Ducati Race Engineer.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

I did something very similar with super-Leyland van last Friday after I
looked up from recovering a tape from the floor "Oooh, cars getting
bigger in a not good way.."

Much smoking and slithering from the locked rear wheels in the lightly
laden Sherpa as all my toolboxes and the like slid fo'rard.

I've not smelt tyre smoke like it since I last took charge of a Triumph
2000 with no windows.

 

Whilst there was no such close call for my HSRT[1], I chortled the last
five miles home as well. There's a certain roundabout on my commute.
Two lanes on - left for left and straight on, right for right only.
All the patient souls queue up on the left and over the roundabout, all
the impatient folk razz down the right and cut people up on the
roundabout.

I'm just taking my exit, still slowly queuing when Mr. Gurt Big Volvo
4x4 decides he's going to have me. He pulls alongside in a hatched out
area on the exit and creeps forward and left, slightly faster to try to
cut me off and squeeze in front. No can do - there's a bollard up
ahead and he can't make it.

He tucks in behind so close I can't see the top of his bonnet in my
rear view. When someone's that close you've no option but to slow down
a little and give yourself some room. <g> And let everyone out of
every side street.<g, g> And let pedestrians cross. Knight of the
road, I was. <G>

Some half a mile later, just as we approach the lights for him to go
his way and me to turn off, the lights go to amber and red. No matter,
he boots it towards them to get past me, then squeals to an almost
stop. 10 seconds later he's crept halfway over the line and my filter
turns green. I leave him behind with a cheery wave and a toot-toot for
his trouble. <VB(childish)G>

[1] heaven sent road twat

 

Wicked Uncle Nigel fumbled, fiddled and fingered:

<snip tale of dipstick rep>

One of our agents "had" a new Porsche Cayenne, dropped his coffee cup
(!) whilst driving on a dual carraigeway at 70mph. He then decided to
root around trying to find the cup instead of driving.

Unfortunately some inconsiderate bastard put a great big roundabout in
the way, result one written of Cayenne.

He's now got a Bentley Contintental GT.....


--
Steve Parry
K100RS SE & F650
and a 520i SE Touring for comfort

(not forgetting the SK90PY)

http://www.gwynfryn.co.uk

 

Ah, we always think think of what we think we should've done... but it
was still fucking funny to read.

What are you doing on Sunday?

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Cane

Flying to South Africa.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets
and Ducati Race Engineer.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

Which part? It's a nice time of year - pleasantly warm without being too
hot.
Can rain a bit though, whereever you are.

I haven't been back in over two years now

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, dwb

Ho yuss.

Into Jo'burg, then up to Hazyview for a few days to bother the animals.

Shya man! You'll be losing your eccent!

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "Oh Bollocks" said Pooh, having forgotten his lines.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

I've told this one before, but it's good one...

Hoiking up the M1, coming up to Donington in shit weather, I was behind
a small Citroen van. I could see the driver lean over to the left and
root around for a dropped tape or his packet of Werthers or something...

Driver's wheel went off the tarmac, shower of gravel; I dropped right
back... silly sod wrenched the wheel hard to the left, tyre gripped the
edge of the tarmac and suddenly the van went shooting across the four
lanes, completely missing the inner traffic and fitting fantastically
neatly between two trucks. Hit the embankment still doing at least 70mph
and proceeded to roll sideways about 3 times, every door flying open and
all sorts of shit flying out.

Silly fucker.

 

.... opened the near-side rear door, just to shout in and check he was
OK, obviously. Then forget to shut it when you ride off.

 

Now /that/ is a darned fine idea...

 

Yes, and asked if that was fun and did he want to do it again?

 

Yesterday a taxi pulled up next to me at the lights, wound down his window
and told me it was illegal to undertake.

My hand gestures signalled my opinion of his advice, then I drove into the
distance...

Talk about glass houses...

 

Zanziba wrote

Oh, you should have told hoim that he is mistaken and no such crime
exists in uk law.

I just got given one, big it is, 12 foot by 8.

 

I doubt you live in it though...

 

I'll remember that one. Leaning through the drivers window and taking the
keys is also annoying I guess.

Blowing kisses also iritates...

Reminds me of a time me dad pulled up to petrol garage late at night and
they refused to start his fuel until he removed his lid, even though you pay
via a little 1 inch wide slit as the office is closed at night.

Father, pissed off, walked around the station swapping all the pumps over.
Poor little man in station would have to <gulp> leave safe environment and
swap them back later...

 

Nah, his number plate I.D.'s him. If he drives off and the vehicle is
stolen/not his plate then the police will not take CCTV footage and
circulate it.

In Liverpool I had my flat broken into and £1000 stereo + 40 CD's stolen.
The guys were caught on CCTV and the old plod weren't even interested. The
actually said they doubted they'd catch anyone for it and that I just needed
the crime reference number for my insurance claim. I can't believe that
they'd do anything more for a £20 drive away.

No, that was the point.

Bollocks, its not like ESSO or SHELL take losses out of your wages when you
are minimum wage working in a service station at night.

 

I believe it's not legal for staff to be forced to make up shortages
and hasn't been in a long while. However, I bet that doesn't stop the
filling stations from doing it. Ages ago I worked for a self-service
station in the evening, I had a legal aid case going so had to report
my earnings. Despite me having to make up any shortage >15p my
employers denied that I had to do so.