I have seen the Beast

Lets look at the scenario.

It's an Ape.

With a sofa and/or a chaise.

With a WUN in a paisley silk dressing gown (tassel free)

And Dodger, in a basque and a diving helmet.

Best play safe and make it a mini-grand

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp

Fair enough.

So long as it's properly tuned.

That's important.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

*boogle*

You have a *favourite* cravat? Why would anyone want one, let alone
multiple cravats?

Anyone else want to own up to owning one or more of these things?

I reckon TOG & Blaney defo, maybe darsy, Paul Corfield[1] and probably
Bear.

[1] Don't know why, as we've never met, but I just think he might.

 

Paging Petel. Petel to the Nox dispenser please.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Champ

<thinks back to being 16>

Lots and lots and lots.

High compression piston from something else, porting work done with a
file and a cold chisel, completely mis-matched expansion chamber from a
250 ('cos they're faster, right?).

And that's just for starters!

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

I have two, yes.

 

Heh. Actually, I already have the details of where to obtain an 80cc
barrel and piston.....

The trouble is that even at full-chat 25mph, the ride is, erm, well
"bloody terrifying" comes to mind. The thought of 30+ makes me
shudder.

Oh, the windscreen wiper, I forgot the windscreen wiper. Yes, it has
one, and yes it works, but it sweeps across the screen with the same
sort of majestic lack of speed as Big Ben's pendulum. An' it has a
washer as well! A rubber bulb you press repeatedly wiv yer thumb. A
water pistol, basically.

The fag lighter gets warm, but that's it. The door pockets hold an
interesting collection of spiders. There's a lavatory cubicle bolt to
lock the left-hand door. I'm trying to figure a way of getting a
"Vacant" and "Engaged" sign to work in the door panel.

I'm sure there are more "features" to be discovered. I mean, there
must be sat-nav somewhere.....

The rear brakes, I've discovered, are hydraulic drums. The front is a
drum, too, but I think it's cable. Haven't checked properly.

 

Aye, then there's the Fairy Liquid boost bottle[1], & the can of
lighter gas attached to the inlet manifold & operated by a 2nd clutch
lever[2].

[1] Yes, one of my mates really did this[3].
[2] Yes, one of my mates really did this[3].
[3] It didn't work.

--
Krusty
www.MuddyStuff.co.uk
Off-Road Classifieds

'02 MV Senna '03 Tigtona 955i '96 Tiger '79 Fantic Hiro 250

 

i think a hearty "**** off", is in order here.

I own no fobbish clothing whatsover. Unless you count black velvet
trousers.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Champ

It was the melodeon gave me away, wasn't it?

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

It's no good: darsy *is* Mole.

 

err, yes.

In my book, the trousers are OK, it's velvet jackets that are right-
out (unless going for an ironic Jason King look, I suppose)

 

I have a pair of chocolate-brown moleskin trews as well, if that helps
your little image.

 

Oh, shit! So do I. And grey ones.

 

Lovely idea, but I think the electric pump and the wiper motor
together would be a bit much for the thing.

You have *no* idea. I got an electric shock off the naker temrinals on
the ignition switch.

Now that's a superb idea. Unfortunately, it is Helen's machine and she
may have a different approach....

 

or the Interceptor[1]

[1] calm down, it's the wrong sort.

 

<looks sheepish>

In my defence, I think I threw it away about 10 years ago...

 

This is *TOG* we're talking about...

<wanders off in search of multi-meter>

 

Rover V8 under the load bed is the way to go.

Guess you can tell who spent Saturday at Santa Pod working on his
sunburn... Mind you, there were some 'interesting'[1] vehicles on the
strip.

[1] Twin-engined Lambretta that probably would've caught Petel's
attention, a Reliant Kitten that I didn't think was running a Reliant
engine anymore, tons of Mk I & Mk II Escorts, some of them rather quick,
a bloke on a Royal Enfield[2], a Landrover Diesel, an Allegro... Oh, and
some *proper* ladder-frame sixties dragsters. Frighteningly quick those
things, with 'frightening' being the keyword here. And some bloke on
what looked like a supercharged Vincent dragbike that took off like the
clappers only to go pop at about the 1/8th mile point.

[2] 23sec quarter mile...

 

Sorry. I didn't mean to leave it wet and sticky.