I have seen the Beast

It is with deep regret that I must inform you that I have seen the
dreaded Ape at TOGs house. What is worse I have driven(!) it.
That he wants to let his nearest and dearest travel in such a
contraption is cause for concern, yet again, over his sanity.

It makes the 2CV I owned look positively sophisticated. It does not
tick over, the starting ritual has more to do with the phases of the
moon than mechanical sympathy and the washer fluid is held inside the
cab in a recycled collostomy bag. The teenagers spent most of last
night filling the load (sic) bay with empty beer cans. It was left on
the street in South London over night totally unlocked and surprise
surprise it remained exactly where it was left.

The hour bump starting it this morning was sufficiently off the wall
that local kids abandoned the repeats of scooby doo on TV to gaze in
wonderment.

When driven it wobbles its arse like a duck, the engine screams and
progress reached a stunning 25mph down hill, measured using a diary.
In theory given the method of engaging reverse you should also be able
to do the same speed backwards.

Tog Minor and the Apprentice seem to be hatching a plan to submit it
to Pimp my Ride.

My normal level of comfort only returned when 130 miles away from it
up the M40.

After 26 years of friendship I have to say the man has finally lost it.

 

Sounds like it could do with a power plant upgrade. Maybe you can get a
big bore and a spanny for it. Plus some suspension bushes. heh

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, boxerboy

<PERK>

I want, need. must have, nay DEMAND a go.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

My Lake Garda hotel consisted of a number of separate complexes terraced
into the hillside. The staff used Apes for carting around bed linen,
luggage etc. The standard method of starting them was to park the thing
facing uphill and bump start them in reverse gear...

 

It can be arranged. I found myself taking it out three times today,
purely because it was such a total hoot to drive.

 

Couldn't you put a chair on an Ape?

Bit like http://www.watsonian-squire.com/PV1-VespPX.JPG only different

 

Why when I read that did I immediately visualise WUN and Dodger sat on a
sofa on the trailer?

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp

Because you are one sick mo'fo.

Clearly.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, platypus

Much better.

<fx: reclines in rather stylish silk dressing-gown>

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

I put that down to PTSD having experienced Champ's new SAAB earlier this
evening

 

I've gone off the idea now.
--
| ___ Salad Dodger
|/ \
_/_____\_ GL1500SEV/CBR1100XXX/CBX1000Z
|_\_____/_| ..90668../..24701.../..31928.
(>|_|_|<) TPPFATUICG#7 DIAABTCOD#9 WG*
|__|_|__| BOTAFOT #70 BOTAFOF #09 PM#5
\ |^| / IbW#0 & KotIbW# BotTOS#6 GP#4
\|^|/ ANORAK#17 IbB#4 YTC#4 two#11
'^' RBR Clues: 26 Pts:0500 Miles:1739

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp

You must await his decision.

Possibly, but as I said...

Do you think a paisley print is too much for the dressing gown? I've
already decided against tassles for the belt.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

The belt decision is the right one, as is the decision of paisley for
the dressing gown - as long as it's a dark print, lots of warm reds.

My favourite cravat's paisley, so that proves it's a good thing.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, platypus

That is fucking *uncanny*.

Apart from, the poor bastard's bald.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Champ

Technically illegal within the confined space of an Ape load-bed, but
why not?

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

Only if you're charging Dodger [1] for the going's on on the chaise,
surely?

[1] Or vice-versa

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp

I was kind of assuming that TOG would be wanting some consideration.

Call me naive...

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando

 

Is there room for a piano?

 

<looks at screen>
<looks at pills>
<looks at screen>

Er, my head's not working. Has anyone got a new one? Failing that, can
someone reboot this one? I think it's corrupted.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp

Upright or grand?

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - "He's hopeless, but he's honest"

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (Falling apart) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Honda ST1100 wiv trailer Norton 850 Commando