I bought an edible motorcycle

Thought I'd take the bike out today, the weather being clement and the
sun doing the shining thing. So I released the beast from its Winter
quarters in the garage and brought it out to stand in the sun for a
while - let it warm its bones, so to speak.

While having a coffee and a fag, thoughts of a pre-flight checkover
came to me. Brakes seemed fine, chain similarly - but there were
pieces of what appeared to be foam, like seat foam, stuck to the chain
and around the front sprocket cover. Strange. Not memory foam, more
like mystery foam iyswim.

Thoughts sprang unbidden, speculation ran rife. Mental pictures of a
Spiccy character doing seat repairs or mods, perhaps - The Burd having
a sudden cleaning frenzy, sponges whirling ... or might it be that
muscular mouse, recently evicted from its cosy Winter home in my
welding gloves?

It was with the icy fingers of dread dancing along my spine that I
lifted the seat, expecting to find the arserest foam internally
excavated - but no, no damage to the stout plastic seat base was
visible - neither any teeth marks in the vinyl, nor any evidence of
leverage of securing staples. No burrowing, at least - but the little
fucker had done for the rubber bobbin that presses against the battery
cover. A mere stump remains, with distinct lines of rodent teethmarks
around it.

Looking to the rear, behind the bag of spanners, I could see fragments
of seed cases. So Mousy had been filching bird food and scoffing it
in my bike's boot, the arse. Then I spotted something that didn't
look like a seed case, nor a nut shell - a sliver of yellow plastic.
Panning vision forward, the origin became horribly clear - the
ignition wiring loom.

Every last wire running to the ignition module has been stripped of
its insulation, bared copper strands twinkling in the sunlight. All
the relays that live under the seat have suffered the same fate - the
coloured insulation has been neatly removed from the end of the loom
tape to the plug at the end. Mousy hadn't even eaten his loot - the
fragments of stripped insulation were visible, on close inspection,
caught on ledges in the mudguard moulding beneath the battery.


I can see soldering irons, insulation tape and a fuckload of
mousetraps in my immediate future.

 

It's good to have a hobby. Ratbike perhaps?

 

Unfuckinbelievable.
Thank goodness they are so cute and cuddly and loveable or you might
harm one of them.

 

The ultrasonic gizmos that plug into a mains socket seem to do the trick.
Mice ate the rubber caps on my carbs where you connect a vacuum gauge,
thus preventing a decent tickover or easy starting.
They also made nests in the car's airbox and a spare silencer.

 

See, you should have bought the speed triple, they don't taste as good
as the jap fare.

 

"Steak & Kidney in nicer than Sushi shocker!"

 

It's a standard clause specified on car and bike insurance over here,
except the more usual culprit is pine martens, of which there is a
substantial population, even in urban areas. Apparently Peugeot are
one of the first manufacturers to specify horrible-tasting insulation
on all wiring, to avoid this all-too-common occurrence.

Never happened to me, mind.

--
_______
..'_/_|_\_'. Ace (brucedotrogers a.t rochedotcom)
\`\ | /`/ GSX-R1000K3
`\\ | //' BOTAFOT#3, SbS#2, UKRMMA#13, DFV#8, SKA#2
`\|/`
`

 

<makes note to check bike that's been standing in the garage for a few
months doing nothing>

 

Pip wrote

You have seen the dangers of being a part time biker children. Don't do
it. You know it makes sense.

 

<Offers small Staffie-cross dog for rodent clearing operations>

Phil

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Pip

<wince>

I've got heat-shrink wossname if you want some, guv'nor.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - There are few things in life more sinister than a
public toilet with the lid closed.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39 OMF#6 Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

Same thing in wifey's car. Mice at through the seats leaving bloody
great holes in the upholstery. I put mousetraps (non-humane version)
in the footwell and caught 3 mice in 2 nights. Abbey National Insurance
(may they always be praised for this) didn't bat an eyelid and paid out
the £1500 cost of new seat covers. Lesson learned - always sniff the
air when going into the garage for that unique mousey musty odour to
see if the little buggers have come back.

Note to self - take a look at the bike later...

Mikey

 

I'll be doing some considerable and permanent harm to the little
fucker, you can be sure. I've not looked under the tank yet, it might
be a new loom job.

 

If the little fucker had chewed a new Triple, I'd be out there with a
pigsticker right now.

No contest. The very thought of raw fish scoffing makes me heave.

 

I exist only to provide amusement. I'm coming back as Sideshow Bob
next time.

 

An excellent plan, but there's waay too much valuable/fragile stuff
wedged into that garage for a dog/mouse faceoff to be contemplated.

**** only knows what else the toothy little fucker has nibbled, an
inventory will have to be undertaken - at least it'll get tidied at
last.

 

TYVM, but I can't get heatshrink over the plugs: he's taken out the
insulation 'twixt end of loom tape and plug, where the wires splay out
from the loom to spread across the plug fittings. I'll have to rewire
the lot, or re-loom the bike, or cut and solder new wires in - or just
wrap the lot up in insulting tape.

 

The little cunts.

Plan. Mind you, the chewing machine saved me a potentially freezing
cold ride: it is surprisingly cold out there today, as I just found
out standing in a car park for ten minutes.

 

*snort*

 

She does get somewhat target-fixated when chasing small nibblies. As
the 'rapaired small Staffie sized hole' in the fence at Lydiard Park
can attest.

She didn't even catch the rabbit either.

Phil