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Discussion in 'UK Motorcycles' started by Gyp, Sep 10, 2004.

  1. Gyp

    Gyp Guest

    As SWMBO was away a while back and I needed a little entertainment I
    bought myself a fleshlight (http://www.fleshlight.com). To make it a
    little more UKRMey, I also ordered the ultratight "butt" insert (in
    black, natch).

    As SWMBO is out acting tonight, I thought I'd get it out to play (she's
    rarely up for it after a night with the thespians). Made curious by
    Lozzo's obsession with pavier blocking ("I want to do her drive") I
    skipped step 6 on the instruction sheet and stepped straight to lob it
    in and wank like a bastard. Due to the gallon into a pipette analogy,
    this was no mean feat and required more than a little spit and easing.

    Now I suspect with hindsight that was a silly thing to do, as even
    though it was interesting in a rough and immobile sort of way to start
    with, it soon became rather painful in an ouch get my knob out of there
    sort of way.

    That aside, I persevered.

    By the time I realised that this pleasure was a little too close to pain
    there was rather more swelling going on than I think the manufacturers
    had planned for so I'm stuck in there like a woman in a shoe shop with
    someone else's credit card.

    Which is where I'm at right now.

    To extract myself I suspect I either need to go at the thing with a can
    opener (which would be a waste of $49.95 quite frankly) or reduce one of
    the two swellings.

    I've tried thinking of the act of creosoting, but I can't get past the
    thought of Felicity Kendal bending over in short dungarees to dip her
    brush in the pot and while that is changing the swelling I'd suggest it
    wasn't for the better (in this case anyway - I'll remember the technique
    should it be required in the future though).

    Anyway I'm wedged in this thing and it's banging hard against the
    underside of the desk and it's *fucking* painful.

    SWMBO is due back in about 10 minutes and I don't want to greet her like
    this.

    Discuss.
     
    Gyp, Sep 10, 2004
    #1
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  2. Gyp

    Salad Dodger Guest

    Ann Widdecombe's "come to bed" eyes.
    --
    | ___ Salad Dodger
    |/ \
    _/_____\_ GL1500SEV/CBR1100XXX/KH500A8/TS250C
    |_\_____/_| ..70230../..16368.../..3180./.19406
    (>|_|_|<) TPPFATUICG#7 DIAABTCOD#9 YTC#4 PM#5
    |__|_|__| BOTAFOT #70 BOTAFOF #09 two#11 WG*
    \ |^| / IbW#0 & KotIbW# BotTOS#6 GP#4
    \|^|/ ANORAK#17
    '^' RBR-Visited:80 Pts:1730 Miles:6247
     
    Salad Dodger, Sep 10, 2004
    #2
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  3. Gyp

    Nigel Eaton Guest

    Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp
    I'm sitting on the Blingmobile.

    Naked.
    --
    Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets

    WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL)
    ZZR1100, Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
    Honda GL1000K2 Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
     
    Nigel Eaton, Sep 10, 2004
    #3
  4. Gyp

    tallbloke Guest

    Here, have you heard about that Gyp geezer?
     
    tallbloke, Sep 10, 2004
    #4
  5. Gyp

    Pip Guest

    I'd go the opposite way and concentrate on Felicity Kendal for five
    precious minutes. When it's all over Gyp's old man should slip back
    out like a dead goldfish, leaving three minutes to polish his knob
    back to normal.


    Alternatively don a bathrobe and approach Tracy arms widespread
    shouting "I'm not pleased to see you, this is a torch in my pocket!"

    Then kip on the sofa.

    Again ...
     
    Pip, Sep 10, 2004
    #5
  6. Gyp

    mups Guest

    Gyp says...
    Blow torch and WD40. If that doesn't work try an easy out.
     
    mups, Sep 10, 2004
    #6
  7. Gyp

    Salad Dodger Guest

    Slide hammer.

    --
    | ___ Salad Dodger
    |/ \
    _/_____\_ GL1500SEV/CBR1100XXX/KH500A8/TS250C
    |_\_____/_| ..70230../..16368.../..3180./.19406
    (>|_|_|<) TPPFATUICG#7 DIAABTCOD#9 YTC#4 PM#5
    |__|_|__| BOTAFOT #70 BOTAFOF #09 two#11 WG*
    \ |^| / IbW#0 & KotIbW# BotTOS#6 GP#4
    \|^|/ ANORAK#17
    '^' RBR-Visited:80 Pts:1730 Miles:6247
     
    Salad Dodger, Sep 10, 2004
    #7
  8. Gyp

    Nigel Eaton Guest

    Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Salad Dodger
    Winkle pin?
    --
    Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets

    WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL)
    ZZR1100, Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
    Honda GL1000K2 Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
     
    Nigel Eaton, Sep 10, 2004
    #8
  9. Gyp

    Elly Guest

    <boggles>

    --
    Elly - a sneezy Pixie
    ZX9R-E1 - 'The bike made me do it!'
    Spike - FZ400 - firing on 3 cylinders
    MRO#32 ibW#25 BoTAFOT#46 BoTAFOF #46 GP#1 UKRMRM#00 TWA#3
    http://www.garagepixies.co.uk
    "Angel in the kitchen ... "
    elly at garagepixies dot co dot uk
     
    Elly, Sep 10, 2004
    #9
  10. Gyp

    Nigel Eaton Guest

    Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Elly
    You have your hobbies. I have mine.

    Anyway, it should cut the CIHAGM queue considerably.
    --
    Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets

    WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL)
    ZZR1100, Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
    Honda GL1000K2 Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
     
    Nigel Eaton, Sep 10, 2004
    #10
  11. Gyp

    Ginge Guest


    OK, you are only allowed to scroll down if this is still a problem.
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    I'm posting this reply naked.

    Don't have nightmares.
     
    Ginge, Sep 10, 2004
    #11
  12. Gyp

    ogden Guest

    Try imagining yourself, naked, sitting there with your cock stuck
    in a cheap plastic fanny. That should work.
     
    ogden, Sep 10, 2004
    #12
  13. Gyp

    Ginge Guest

    People are going to stain the seat whilst you're away.... Gyp is going
    first.
     
    Ginge, Sep 10, 2004
    #13
  14. Gyp

    Gyp Guest

    Oh no it's getting worse!
     
    Gyp, Sep 10, 2004
    #14
  15. Gyp

    Gyp Guest

    Ewwwww
     
    Gyp, Sep 10, 2004
    #15
  16. Gyp

    AndrewR Guest

    I think the sound of SO's key in the front door should have the shrinking
    effect required, giving him 10 seconds to think of a really good excuse
    which doesn't involve the phrase "sex toys".


    --
    AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
    Kawasaki ZX-6R J1
    BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
    BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, TEAR#3 (and KotL), DS#5, COSOC#9, KotTFSTR#
    The speccy Geordie twat.
     
    AndrewR, Sep 10, 2004
    #16
  17. Gyp

    AndrewR Guest

    While all of ukrm laugh at you.

    --
    AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
    Kawasaki ZX-6R J1
    BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
    BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, TEAR#3 (and KotL), DS#5, COSOC#9, KotTFSTR#
    The speccy Geordie twat.
     
    AndrewR, Sep 10, 2004
    #17
  18. Gyp

    AndrewR Guest

    You didn't hammer in the butt plug as well, did you?


    --
    AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
    Kawasaki ZX-6R J1
    BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
    BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, TEAR#3 (and KotL), DS#5, COSOC#9, KotTFSTR#
    The speccy Geordie twat.
     
    AndrewR, Sep 10, 2004
    #18
  19. Gyp

    Nigel Eaton Guest

    Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Gyp
    Oh! You've gone and spoiled it now.
    --
    Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets

    WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL)
    ZZR1100, Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
    Honda GL1000K2 Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
     
    Nigel Eaton, Sep 10, 2004
    #19
  20. Gyp

    AndrewR Guest

    What, me? No, but I did send your slide hammer post to
    alt.humor.best-of-usenet where is shall be seen by millions and enter the
    Usenet anals (sic) of fame.


    --
    AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
    Kawasaki ZX-6R J1
    BOTAFOT#2,ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1/13a,MCT#1,DFV#2,SKoGA#0 (and KotL)
    BotToS#5,SBS#25,IbW#34, TEAR#3 (and KotL), DS#5, COSOC#9, KotTFSTR#
    The speccy Geordie twat.
     
    AndrewR, Sep 10, 2004
    #20
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