FOAK - Wood

I've got a nice wooden coffee table, I think it's Oak[1] The surface is
suffering a bit from a few drunken spillages of various liquids and
generally needs pepping up.

Anybody got any tips, I don't really know where to start. I don't want
to sand anything, are there any products that can help? Not really sure
what the table has been treated with before - it's not varnish, more
likely some kind of wax although it's not a shiny finish.

[1] I know f*ck all about wooden furniture

 

See up there ^^^^^^

'Weird things to be excited about'.

I believe Hog is proposing some kind of service.

 

Linseed oil would probably be your best bet, but i'd advise just
giving the surface a very light going over with some fine grade
finishing paper first, that way you'll fetch worn in dirt off, as much
as sand, IYSWIM.

Try it on the underside of the table first, then if it doesn't work
youy've not done any visible damage.

 

Bwhahahaha

 

<\pimp mode>

Aye but it's expensive

 

Dude! You have an IRON?

 

Remember the Yellow Pages ad from years ago with the party? That's
you, that is.

 

This ^ but with brown wrapping paper as opposed to a tea towel.

 

What grade "finishing" paper? Do you just mean regular fine sandpaper,
like 1200 grit?


To everybody else who's replied, FRO[1]

[1] Amazingly except for Bear. It's not damp blooming at all, just a bit
of wear and tear that needs freshening up.


--
Mike Buckley
RD350LC2
http://www.toastyhamster.freeserve.co.uk - deleted by Orange - f*ckers - then
randomly reinstated - wtf!
http://www.toastyhamster.plus.com
BONY#38

 

Yep, that sort of thing. You don't want to really be sanding wood
away, just lightly taking off a bit of the worn finish so the oil can
actually be absorbed properly... think of it as T-cut.

If it's just lost it's shine polish a bit that should do it.

The thing to be aware of though is that if the wood is properly
damaged you'll not actually fix it, just tidy it up a bit, and if
that's the case you might get better results applying a light stain to
even the colour out first.

Or just throw it in the bin and get a cheap one from Ikea - you'll
soon be dealing a child wrecking everything in the house anyway, so
may as well get used to it now.

 

Rather than linseed oil, try Danish oil. Terrific stuff
without the pong of linseed, it soaks in a bit and dries
leaving a surface safe for food and easy to maintain.

--
Jeweller
R100RT
Formerly: James Captain, A10, C15, B25, Dnepr M16 solo,
R80/7, R100RT (green!)
www.davidhowardjeweller.co.uk

 

What, some **** has drawn a moustache on a picture of his Mum?

 

As a coffee table. It should proudly bear the marks of use as a reminder
of good times had and beers drunk with friends. The burns of spilt
absinthe and sambuca, the slightly ridged rings where bottles have been
firmly placed in moments of passion over a discussion of the relative
merits of Italian exotica (both bikes and ex porn star politicians). The
rings from the morning after coffee a subtle accent to the dents, a fine
coating of slightly hardened spillage imbibed with lashings of cigarette
ash and those occasional small round burn marks(1) offset with that
strange brownish tinge usually associated with pub ceilings of old.

A coffee table is a history book of the house. A solid, inanimate, yet
strangely living monument to sordid nights past and the misdeeds of your
biker mates. The shocked coffee spillage in the morning just after Darsy
leaves and starts the big single with the exhaust that seems connected
straight to hell and not just a motorcycle.(What was that?) The strange
chunks of melted pizza cheese making you wonder just exactly what
happened last night and why does the stereo smell of piss, just who in
the hell is that comatose on the sofa and why does my head hurt? Why is
the bathroom smelling of vomit and a strange purple colour? The marks of
the high heels in the wood bear witness to the naked dancing girls and
the memories.(2) The slight red stain on the somewhat sharp corners a
testament to those drunken shin bashings whilst maneuvering the gas
stove to the centre and precariously balancing huge pans of superheated
flammable liquid that emit the flames of hell itself when stirred. The
over exited spillage as you go into a corner too hot whilst playing
Colin McRae on the PS2. The scuffing from the heels as you relax with a
beverage.............................

Ah coffee tables.

On the other hand the iron will get the dents out of the wood by
expanding the compressed grain and a fine sanding will make it all
lovely again. Bit of wax and it'll be lovely.

(1) I know nothing!!!!!
(2) Ceramic coated tables don't suffer from this.

 

I have a coffee table in southern Turkey now but the beach is better.

 

<rings Mum>

Not lately.

 

Ta for the tips.

The actual table is very solid, it's broadly similar to the bottom one
on the link below, so I'm not sure a little kid will do anything but
superficial damage, and if it can withstand us two when we're drunk then
it'll be around for a while yet.

http://www.thecoffeetable.co.uk/page8.html

 

Yer missus is suffering from that too from what I hear, when does she
drop?

--
Lozzo
Suzuki SV650S K5
Honda CBR600 FW trackbike
Yamaha SR250 Spazz-Trakka
Suzuki GSXR750 L
Suzuki TS50X
Suzuki TS50X

 

"Solid enough to shag on."

--
Dave
GS850x2 XS650 SE6a

"It's a moron working with power tools.
How much more suspenseful can you get?"
- House

 

Soon, two weeks to the due date.