FOAK: Wine

Red: Claret (in which I'm agreeing with you, but terroir matters more
than grape, after all)

White: Don't be such a fucking girl.

 

Yeah. It occurred to me as I hit send. Ball's Brothers et al get filed as
bars in my imperfect classification.

 

Chablis is only expensive Chardonnay anyway.

And if you're going to have Chardonnay, IMO the New World oaked
varieties are far superior in general to French stuff.

 

~1/2 pints are pretty standard, mind you.

 

I'm sure I've told you this one before, but about ten years ago I
regularly drank with a chap who was, in most ways, quite a man of the
world. One night we wandered drunk into an Angus steak house (I know, I
know) and had the choice of Carlsberg (yuk) or wine. I let him order and
he went straight for the Blue Nun.

"Are you taking the piss?"
"I don't really know wine at all, I thought liebfraumilch sounded quite
classy"

 

Merlot is not nice.
Only slightly better than Beaujolais.
I'd go for a pint of Barolo.

 

I don't think Tony is aiming to shag the sommelier somehow.

 

Can't do Rioja. Might as well sip tempranillo and suck on an oak tree.

 

Just tell her you don't usually drink wine, and have no knowledge of
the subject, but are looking forward to finding out. Simple as that.

 

Bluffing the hardcore fucking? Faking your orgasms? Why not, she will!

 

Er, I'm posting to a motorcycle newsgroup for advice about wine. You do the
math.

 

Also Corney & Barrow, Davy's, etc, even if the latter do offer beer.

 

Understandable, most of these cunts know **** all about bikes so you
may as well see if they do actually have a specialist subject

 

Watch this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oz_and_James's_Big_Wine_Adventure

Also, try just asking for a recommendation. You're much less likely to
look like a cock saying you don't know much that pretending you know
more than you know.

 

Well done, you've just written off most Clarets.

 

as others have said, if you don't know, don't try and fake it. Just
ask her what she fancies (obviously she's not a woman of taste).

If she wants white, I'd suggest something neutral/dry-ish like a
Chardonnay/Viognier blend[1].

If she wants red, I'd suggest a Rioja or - if you're hoping to get her
cunted, a nice hefty 14%/vol Shiraz.

Or just don't **** around and buy whatever's cheapest and sprinkle
some ground-up Rohypnol into it (not yours, dumbass).

[1] Darsy's interesting wine fact: if a woman drinks sufficient white
wine, her piss will later on taste of (albeit warm) white wine.

 

WTF do you think you are? Oz Fucking Clarke?

 

<VBG> And yet they say every hole's a goal.

 

I got the impression she'd be more than capable of ordering for herself.

 

You're just trying to cause trouble, aren't you?

It's a fine hock, he wants. None of that cheap leibfraumilch nonsense.