FOAK: Wine

Unlike most of you, I'm not an alcoholic. I drink the odd bit here and there
but I wouldn't know a single malt if you hit me over the head with the bottle.

Tonight's hot date wants to go to a wine bar. Any tips so that I don't look
like too much of a tit? I don't know my Chablis from my Chardonnay from my
Cava, FFS I don't even know the difference between red and white[1].

Telling me to go out and buy Wine for Dummies is not an option.

[1] Apart from they both get you toasted - ah, that's not a difference, my
bad.

 

Easy, ask her what she would like then order it and ask for a pint of
your best please.

Sorted.

A

--

 

I don't think they do Special Brew.

 

Don't try to bluff. You'll get caught out.

 

This is *not* what I wanted to hear. <sob>

I wonder if she fancies just skipping the wine bar and going straight to the
hardcore fucking.

 

If you want to impress her, order liebfraumilch.

 

Do wine bars still exist or have I slipped back into the 1980's?

Just ask for some house red or white according to preference. As it's
such a nice day, how about a refreshing jug of Pimm's instead?

 

Don't try to bluff. You'll get caught out.

 

Am not in the UK at the moment. Different culture I suppose.

But this place specializes in millions of different wines from all over the
world. It's a bit like going to an Indian restaurant and ordering egg and
chips[1].

See my first comment.

[1] Which my dad "famously" did when he first went to an Indian back in the
70s.

 

Even more reason to ask for the house stuff. Bar wine prices are
appalling so I drink nice wine at home and drinkable wine in bars.

Are you low on self-confidence or something?

 

Just tell her ... If she knows her stuff a bluff won't work, but
honesty might get you much further than first base ..

 

Well, in my experience, allowing the sommelier to do his job and praising
him for doing a good job can lead to a shag.

 

<spew>
Even the advert is awful

They will probably stock:

red: Marques de Riscal Rioja (reserva) SP
white: Montana Sauvingon Blanc as long as it's properly chilled NZ

Both of which will be quaffable, cheap enough and suitable for most palates

 

IMHO only a Chablis Grand Cru is worth drinking. At the lower end something
else will have much more character.

 

Rule no. 1
White wine is what you drink before you drink red wine.

 

Sauvignon Blanc? Jesus, I'd rather suck on my own socks.

 

Plenty of them around in the city.

 

Post corrected.

If you want a cold white, have a Fleurie instead. It's piss weak but at
least it's the right colour.

 

you ****.

 

this.

****, I hate it when I agree with you.