FOAK: Best man speeches

Hints, tips, suggestions? what normally goes in them? Ive never even
been to a wedding before.

Mash

 

Google for speeches. There's a web site somewhere with loads of examples.

 

what, not even your parents'?

 

Mitch Murray, YKIMS.

 

You only have to do three things ...

1. Say "thank you" on behalf of yourself and the bridesmaids for the nice
things the groom has just said about you.

2. Make people laugh.

3. Propose a toast to the bride & groom.

On the down side number 2 is difficult, on the upside if the groom is a
miserable fucker then you've cut your work-load by one-third.


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The speccy Geordie twat.

 

Good timing, I'm writing one of these for a Wedding on Saturday. Apparently
you can buy pre-written speeches but work's pretty quiet at the moment so I
thought I'd have a bash at writing my own.[1]

www.hitched.co.uk has been the most useful site so far, and especially the
example speeches:

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/examples/index.asp

They're mostly a bit poor, to be frank, but you can cobble together the best
bits and throw in some of your own to make something reasonable. I'm largely
relying on the probability that most people will be utterly fruited by the
time I get to speak.


[1] I'll let you know if I regret it later.

 

darsy says...

I've been to my Mums wedding twice, ended up giving her away at the
second one.

 

I got to do one of these as well

"the groom " & " nice things" may be a problem.

You wan't to write a speech for me?

Ah right

He's from Whitley Bay does that help any?

 

Here you go :

The best man's speech

Of all the traditional speeches at the wedding reception, the best man's is
the most anticipated. Guests look for humour from all the speeches, and are
usually happy to reward even the feeblest attempt at a joke with gales of
booming laughter. But the expectation has grown up that, whether or not any
of the other speakers can stretch to a gag, the best man at least should do
his best to put on a bit of a show and raise a few chuckles.

Actually, this is not as daunting as it sounds. The best man usually speaks
last, by which time guests tend to have relaxed considerably (a fact not
unconnected with the wine that is disappearing at a rapid rate from the
tables). By this time their sense of humour threshold will have lowered
considerably, so anything that vaguely looks like a punch line should bring
the house down.

Another advantage you'll have at this point is familiarity. Usually - unless
you're posh enough to have a separate Master of Ceremonies - you the best
man will have been acting as the host or anchorman of the whole occasion, so
by the time you get up to say your piece guests will be used to your ways.

Your role, in fact, is a multiple one. As the groom's best friend, it is
your job to humiliate the Main Man in as amusing a fashion as possible. As
host, you will read out telegrams and pass on any practical announcements -
anything people need to know, for instance, about the evening's activities.
And as traditional head of the wedding assistants, you will also speak on
behalf of the bridesmaids.

best man's speech checklist
Points you may like to include:
The traditional best man's beginning often involves thanking the bride and
groom for their gifts and compliments to 'the team' of bridesmaids, ushers,
page boys etc.
Read any telegrams and other messages from invited guests unable to attend
the wedding.
Also near the start, you might want to tell some behind-the-scenes stories.
about preparing for the wedding - especially any amusing incidents, narrowly
averted disasters etc.
Make a point of addressing the couple, and especially of talking to and
about the bride too. Too many best man's speeches almost entirely overlook
her.
And so to the traditional main task - embarrassing the groom. Your material
should be funny without being nasty, risqué without being offensive. Props
are often used here, and stories - or hints at stories - from the stag night
often crop up too.
It can seem like a good idea to mention past relationships, but tread
carefully. The golden rule: If there's a chance it might upset the bride...
leave it out.
Leaven the mockery with some sincerity. Talk about how you met the groom,
how you came to be best mates, how much you really think of him, your
perspective on the growing relationship between bride and groom, how he
behaved differently with her (the moment I knew it was serious...), your
best wishes for their future together etc.
If you have any messages to read, include them after your main speech.
Conclude with a toast to the bride and groom.

HTH


--
Regards

Craig Cooke


www.storm-imaging.co.uk
Exciting, Fun, Creative and Informal Digital Wedding & Portrait Photography

GSF600S

 

I'd counsel against mentioning that she was one of your great unrequited
loves until she gave you a drunken and mutually embarrassing blowjob.

Certainly, IME, it's not a good idea.

 

Wot he said. Worked perfect for me a couple of years
ago. Make sure you do the "making love to the Queen"
joke as it always gets a laugh...

 

^^^
Heh.

 

....?

 

"They say that being Best Man is much like making
love to the Queen - a real honour but nobody really
wants to do it..."

 

sweller says...

I was best man at my ex-girlfriends wedding, she married my best mate. I
only agreed to do it on the promise I could cop off with one of the
bridesmaids. My friend agreed with my request, so his wife to be asked
my wife - her best mate - to be the chief bridesmaid.

I had to tread carefully with my speech, her old man was a religious
nutter with a nasty temper. I did raise a giggle when I said we would
never be short of wine, as long as a long haired bearded bloke dressed
in a white sheet was hanging around.

 

Oh I dunno - the "tonight the bandage comes off " was as good a
best-man gag as I've heard.

 

Are they all as utterly awful as speech 1, by Chris Farmer?

 

look children - Northerners.

 

Not quite.

 

Harumph.

Cnut.