Elefant: counted them all out but not back

A tale of woe, cold, fun, piles, dead bikers and electrics.

Well, you've received all the bulletins. I set out with Chippy, Bike's
photographer, on Tuesday afternoon.

Chippy's XR650 is in full competition spec, only he'd geared it up and
fitted road tyres for the trip. A monster. Kickstart only, direct
lighting, razor blade of a seat to which he's affixed a gel pad, massive
Acerbis fuel tank and a secondary fuel tank moulded into the rear part
of the seat (not connected for this trip).

Cruising speed of the two big singles - a nice easy 70, going up to
75-80 for overtakes when needed.

Stopped near St Quentin, decent auberge, nice grub. My sleep disturbed
by slightly painful Chalfonts. Erk. Not here. Not now. Please.

Wednesday morning: freezing fog, and I mean freezing. Visors were icing
over completely. Stopped to clear tham and were amused to see 1-2mm of
sheet ice encasing the front of the Tenere's fairing. Blimey. Blagged
Hein Gericke suit was doing a bloody marvellous job, though.

Crossed into Germany at Saarbrucken, and rather than autobahn it from
Kaiserslauten to Wurzburg, rode through the hills, stopping to take pix.
Still bloody cold, but nice and clear now. Some snow still in ditches.
Arrived at hotel near Wurzburg at 1830, in the dark, rather cold, but
satisfied. Packer and others were already there: Hog, Platy/Bonwick and
the others all arrivev within the next hour. Plenty beer and food.
Great.

Chalfonts got very restive. A surreptitious investigation in the
bathroom brought a reaction of: "Dear Christ. Bloody grapes. Oh God." I
got little sleep. Pain.

At breakfast time, I cautiously ask if anyone has any Prep H, and the
piss-taking begins. There's a chemist over the road, and I arm myself
with the German equivalent.

It was getting colder as we went deeper into Germany. All bikes running
fine. Bonwick's outfit progressed in a kind of lurching motion. We'd do
70-80 miles and then stop in a service area for hot drinks, food and a
warm-up. I'd brought 10 Mars bars with me.

Slightly worried about an odd smell from the engine, vaguely reminiscent
of rotten eggs. I asked Bonwick if he'd shoved an egg on my engine for a
giggle. He hadn't.

Off the autobahn, into the hills, climb, and arrive at the site at about
3pm. I'm not going to describe the Elefant - you can damn well buy Bike
and look at the pictures. Just fucking *awesome*. And cold. Dear God,
how cold.

There was still loads of snow there, though none of the roads,
thankfully. After one extremely ill-advised attempt to get the Tenere
over polished hard-pack snow to where I intended to camp, I gave up and
dumped it back on the road, and carried my kit down the slope.

Tents erected, beer, fire, brandy, and Sweller demonstrating how not to
pilot a sledge.

Sleep in temperatures of minus 12 or below. Hoarfrost inside the tent in
the morning.

Next morning, a long, long walk with Chippy around the site, taking pix
and making notes. There are the most amazing bikes I've ever seen at the
Elefant. Yamaha FJ1200 on skis? Times two. BMW outfits? Ten a penny, but
the best was the one with a huge metal compartment built onto the back,
like a motor home, in which he had his sleeping quarters.

More lunacy that night, already reported. Next morning, Chippy and I
pack up (I have to be in town tomorrow), and the Tenere doesn't start
because the cold has almost killed the battery, but it bumps OK and
charges up fine.

Stopped to take more pix in the snowy landscape, and then on to the
autobahn, and 15 miles later the Tenere died. Oh shit. NowI remember
that odd smell. Ginge's ZRX1200, when the battery died. ****.

It takes three hours for the rescue guys to get to us, because we'd
given them wrong directions as to where we were - we weren't sure
ourselves. Chippy peeled off to head for Blighty solo, while I was
trucked to a Yamaha dealer. Yes, he had a battery, but let's test the
old one first...

...and it's fine. Oh dear. So the problem lies elsewhere. Probing with a
multimeter, and inspecting the loom, reveals a melted connector from the
alternator. The alternator is toast. That was the smell - not cooking
battery, but cooking alternator. And it's damaged the loom between
ignition switch and battery as well, somewhere. Shit.

Auntie Carole says well, OK, we've got it to the repairers. Can they fix
it? Yes, says the shop, but today's Saturday and the earliest we can get
the bits is Tuesday, probably Wednesday. OK, says CN. We'll stick you in
a hotel there until it's fixed.

Argh. Four, maybe five nights? No can do. And then the Germans looked up
the cost of the alternator. Would you believe over 1100 euros, for rotor
and stator?

Right, no way am I paying that plus labour. It's twice what the bike's
worth. Did the maths about leaving it there and trundling out to pick it
up at a later date, get it home, and sort out used parts here for a
cheaper fix. The cost of a 1500-mile round trip, plus ferries for car
and trailer, plus the fact I don't have a working tow car at the moment
anyway, ruled out that option, too.

So I sold it to the shop for 150 euros, and CN were happy to get me 100
miles to Munich for an Easyjet flight home, as presumably it was cheaper
than the thick end of a week in a hotel.

They won't recover the bike, you see, unless they can't fix it, or the
cost of getting it to someone who can fix it is more than recovering it.
In this case, it was recovered to a franchised dealer, and it could get
fixed.

So I am Tenere-less, but wtf. It's only money, and not much. And I had a
cracking time.

 

Super. I might even buy the relevant copy of Bike.

 

Absolutely barking mad. Frostbite?

 

?

 

No, but a funny thing: when I sortied from my tent at about 3am for a
pee, I started peeing into the hole you make in the snow, as you do, and
then the shivering cut in. By the time I'd finished, I was spraying an
area of around two square feet.

It was utterly clear and still. No sign of anyone out. Total silence
(quite a change from the earlier mayhem). It occurred to me that if I
were to slip on the icy climb back to the tent, and bang my head on the
hard-pack snow and ice, then if I didn't regain consciousness within a
couple of minutes I'd probably die there.

The Elefant has the capability to kill, I'm absolutely certain of it.
This, of course, adds to the appeal.

 

"Dead bikes". My typo.

 

Two new charged batteries, total loss ignition and ride home in the
daylight, easy.
Certainly what I'd have done.

 

I did consider that, but it was a non-starter (literally) because it had
also taken out the loom between battery and everything else. I didn't
just lose the charging: I lost lights, ignition, everything.

In short, the electrics were *utterly* fucked. Repairable, yes, but not
"a quick fix".

 

Loads. I'll be sticking some up later.

 

One less tick in the box for Jean's choice of bike

 

Will it be in the March issue? 'Oos going to ship me a copy then?

 

I can if you like. Email me your address and buy me a bottle on the
TOG tour.

 

I think it's scheduled for the April issue, published in March. Copy
deadline is day after tomorrow.

 

You should go & do a circuit of the M25 for the May issue.

--
Krusty

'03 Tiger 955i
'02 MV Senna (for sale) '96 Tiger (for sale)
'79 Fantic Hiro 250 (for sale) '81 Corvette (for sale)

 

<Waves>

 

You can buy Bike in BRX?

 

There's a British shop along the road, which doesn't add quite the same
mark up as the local press shops.

It's slightly ironic that I've been in the place about twice but SWMBO
is never out of the place.

 

looks like hog is having a similar issue. aparently its only been
intermitantly charging and was last seen at 10am this morning heading
off to a local bike shop.

Spoken to Andy (who was needless to say in the bar on the ferry) and
he said he'd got a text and hog was still 170 miles away.

lets just hope that he's put the correct Hook in the sat nav. unlike
Andy who had a minor hundred mile detour via Antwerp )

Steve L is aparently back in the country and probably making his way
through the snow on the M20.
--
Adie
(replace spam with nickname to reply)

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