"DON'T TAKE THE BIKE" (aka messagaes from <insert chosen deity>)

Ever had one of those days when "someone" is really trying to advise
you against taking the bike?

I am on 2 weeks holiday at the moment, but had to buzz into work for a
couple of hours yesterday to do "stuff". After that, I was planning to
go visit a mate, currently in a back brace having binned his Yamaha
XJR1300 a few weeks back.

So, as the sun was shining I thought I'd take the Sprint.

Stage 1:
Battery bloody dead. Give it an optimistic 15 mins on my boy's
optimate, but no. So, hook it back up to the optimate and bugger off
to work in the car.

Stage 2:
Arrive home, battery still not enough oomph to turn it over. Go to
search for FOAD battery charger, nowhere to be found. 30 mins later,
charger found and hooked up to bike, left for 30 mins whilst I had a
brew.

Stage 3:
IT LIVES !!!. Leave it ticking over in the shed for 15 minutes whilst I
get togged up.

Stage 4:
All leathered, and starting to sweat a bit I rode it out of the shed to
the front path. Left it ticking over whilst I go to close up shed etc.
As I'm walking away I noticed the back wheel slowly moving. Hmm,
thought I, now why is that mo.... Oh shit, Sprint now on it's side on
the path.

Stage 5:
Picked it up, clutch lever snapped off (about a third, so still
usable), gear lever bent, scuffing of plastics. Got bike upright and
persuaded gear lever back to right shape, looked at rest of damage and
thought bollox, it 's okay, I'll finish getting ready and away I'll go.

Stage 6:
Fully kitted up, astride bike, turn key, hit starter button.... Bzzt,
Bzzt. Battery appears to have spunked it's temporary load.

Stage 7:
Threw bike back in shed. Locked shed keys inside shed with no spare
available.

Stage 8:
Took Volvo to see mate in back brace, seemed the sensible thing to do
in the circumstances (could have taken the boy's NC30, but by now I had
got the message, so to speak).

Am I the only one this sort of shit happens to?

--
Dan L

Too much time to think, too little to do.


http://thebikeshed.spaces.live.com/

2002 Triumph Sprint RS 955i (It's big, and it's black)
1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr (Gone, but not forgotten)

BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005/6/7/8)
X-FOT#000
DIAABTCOD #26
BOMB#18 (slow)
OMF#11

 

We can but hope.

 

Not really bike related but a few years back I had to replace my
kitchen taps. On of them literally snapped off so after an evening of
running around mopping up water etc. It was summer so I decided to take
a day off work to buy & fit new taps and spend the rest of day drinking
beer.

Went off to B&Q to buy taps, car broke down on the way home. Turns out
the cambelt had gone, >£1000 worth.

Having fitted the taps sucessfully, at the last minute I decided I need
to take some stuff to the Post Office on the way to meeting a mate in
the local pub, so grabbed said stuff, rushed out the front door, closed
it behind me at the exact point I realised my keys were inside. The
only spare set were with my mum, 50-odd miles away.

One long return train journey later and I could get back in but I
decided to go straight to the pub anyway.

So, no, it's not just you.

 

Indeed.

The only day of my holiday where I was left to my own devices too.

A right bugger.

--
Dan L

Too much time to think, too little to do.


http://thebikeshed.spaces.live.com/

2002 Triumph Sprint RS 955i (It's big, and it's black)
1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr (Gone, but not forgotten)

BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005/6/7/8)
X-FOT#000
DIAABTCOD #26
BOMB#18 (slow)
OMF#11

 

indeed. it's just you and Dan.

Sometimes having OCD is a bonus.

 

I once locked myself out of the car, at the head of the queue at the
traffic lights, with the engine running, the lights on and the
windscreen wipers going.

 

how the **** can you do that by accident?

How did you lock the car doors from the outside with the keys still in
the ignition?

 

The only time I've ever been locked out of a car was just after I met
Cheryl and she had locked her keys in her car.. Fortunately it was a
Fiesta and so susceptible to the old 'box binding strip between the
window glass and door' unlocking technique.

I've never locked myself out of my own car.

Phil

 

My old Fiesta could be locked from the outside sans key by lifting the
door handle and pushing the little knob on the inside down.

 

And why were you out of the car at the traffic lights?

I did that on a RWD Cavalier once. Slammed the door and the lock
dropped whilst the car was up on ramps with the engine running.

 

Mark 2 Escort - it's easy.
You could lock either of the doors by holding the handle up while you
closed the door.
I jumped out to try to fix the windscreen wipers - which were
squabbling with each other again - and shut the door the way I always
did. Except that usually I'd parked up and had the key in my hand...

 

that's a crazy piece of "design"

 

Agreed. Lots of Fords were like that then. Mind you - you had to be a
gold-plated numpty to fall foul of it...

 

Ok - the only way I can beat that (and since no-one's biting) is to
tell the tale of the rear wheel.

<Still Embarrassed Mode>

The very last time I ever took the rear wheel out of the Blackbird -
to cart it into the bike shop for a new tyre and save some pennies - I
didn't notice I'd taken one of the spacers along with me. I did wonder
why there was only one... Anyway, the numpty in the bike shop then
dropped the feckin spacer on the floor and forgot about it when I
picked up the wheel again. You can hear this coming, can't you...

So I get home and put the wheel back in. Bugger me - this is taking
longer than I remembered to tighten up, I thought...

Many turns of the torque-wrench (!) later, the wheel was in. Without
the spacer. Yep.

Fired her up, didn't I?

To lube the chain.

Cue 1137cc of Honda engine gaily lathing a perfect curved channel on
the inside of the swingarm, using the sprocket nuts as a cutting tool.

I kid you not...

</SEM>

 

this sort of thing is exactly why I'm reluctant to do mechanical work
on my bike.

 

Both of my Capris were like that, but to compensate the doors could be
unlocked by inserting the edge of a 2p into the key slot and turning.

A particularly smooth 2nd-hand car salesman once tried to tell me that
was a safety feature, so that the emergency services could get in to
your car quickly if they needed to.

 

I did it once on my Probe. The doors used to lock automatically once
the engine had started. Thankfully this was in a car park. I had to
leave a friend watching the car (engine still running) while I went
home for the spare key.

 

That sort of thing used to happen almost daily in my old workshop where
we fitted central locking and alarms. Central locking requires
adjustment to make sure it doesn't activate when you slam the door, but
it took all our new fitters a few weeks to get into the habit of
leaving at least one window open when testing/adjusting, because they
always managed to leave the keys inside.

As a consequence I became rather adept at breaking into a variety of
brand new cars without leaving a trace. Most car locks of the late
80s/early 90s are a doddle to pick if you have the correct kit.

 

Heh, you really think someone would have took it?



Mate with a Probe did exactly the same thing, but he'd just turned up
at t'pub as about 20 odd of us were heading off on the bikes. He
didn't get much piss taken ...

 

@mid.individual.net:

don't go doing that bzzt thing very often, or you'll be replacing a sprag
clutch...