Binning on New Years Day

I've just got back home after having a bit of a bin on a roundabout.
Not too much damage, just a few more scrapes to the bike and a scratch
on Mr. Shoei's finest, a few bruises and lots of mud. I also need to
kick a mirror back in to shape.

I was bombing it home on the motorway after filling up with petrol.
There was a long object covering my half of the exit on the roundabout
living at M20 junction 11 that looked like a pole. By the time I'd
noticed it I was leant over giving it beans on the exit.

I tried to get the bike into a more suitable upright position with my
foot down hard on the rear brake, just touching the front but
redistributing and increasing the pressure as I got more vertical.
There wasn't much time and I wasn't going to be able to stop before I
reached the pole. I scraped off as much speed as possible and
attempted to run it over.

The front rolled over and bounced the pole up which impacted on the
bottom of the engine somewhere, possibly just missing it and getting
the centre stand and twisting; it disagreed with the rear wheel and
caused a massive lurch. The bike and I parted company and I rolled to
a stop hitting my back on a kerb stone and I must have blacked out for
a few moments.

After surveying the situation I caught my breath, got up, dragged the
ER-5 out of the road and put it in the traditional shiny side
up/rubber side down configuration while a passing police car slowed to
a stop behind.

The policewoman helped me pull the pole out of the carriageway (****
knows how it got there, it didn't look local) and asked me how I was.
She breathalysed me (wahay, not pissed!) and called for an ambulance.
I explained that I didn't need an ambulance and was fine, just a bit
muddy. She thought otherwise so I felt the need to demonstrate: I
would walk over to the bike, put my helmet on, start it and go home.

"Don't worry about me, luvvie, I'm a pro at this falling off lark," I
said cheekily, turned around, bravely marched forward a few steps,
felt really dizzy and promptly collapsed falling backwards against the
Channel Tunnel Rail Link bridge and threw-up all over my mud-covered
gloves, I then burst into tears at the indignity of it all while
waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

How rude.

Damage report:

Jacket: (Python II) looks undamaged, just a few scrapes and is caked
in mud.

Helmet: (£300 Shoei X-Spirit) seems fine but has a light scratch at
the back from a pebble or something in the mud.

Gloves: (RST) need washing but armour is undamaged.

Jeans: (Levi 501) are now my 'lucky' jeans as I have all of my RTA's
in them but am never harmed(!) too much.

Back Protector: (Knox KC2000 Tour Plus) looks and feels fine but it
has absorbed a heavy spinal impact from a kerb stone (or a kerb stonel
impact from a spine). Probably best to replace it which I can do for
£0 as Knox insures its armour for replacement in police-reported road
accidents.

Bike: (Kawasaki Rat-ER5) started on the first press of the button,
needs a bit of a wash but appears uninjured apart from a bent mirror
arm.

Dignity: None left. Bursting into tears in front of a female police
officer after saying one is fine can't do the pride any good, either.

Me: Still around, wrapped up warm with a bottle of Jack Daniel's [1]
and taking all available drugs [2] until the bruises come out
tomorrow.

[1] Happy
[2] Happy-go-lucky

 

Blimey, you do seem to be making a habit of this. Do be careful, Bond.

Well, the worst part of that is that you're not going to be interested
in the sympathy **** you could go after.

You'll be fine, you soppy sod.

Resolve to make it your last bin of 2006, though.

 

<snip long tale of woe>


You are going to get the FBOTY aren't you.
Another series of letters to add to your sig.

Daft sod!

Kick it all back into shape and start again, but this time without the
tarmac interface incidents.


--



Robbo
Trophy 1200 1998
BotaFOF #19. E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003/2004/2005
B.O.S.M 2003, 2004, 2005
FURSWB#1 KotL..YTC449
PM#7
BotM#4
..

 

[Snipped Text]

That's the hardest bit isn't it? The rest is easy, but the dignity is
ruined.

Glad you're OK, a good excuse to get ratted anyway.

 

"I also don't accept your "comedy-crasher" title." 28/12/05 20:24

Do take care, you daft lummox.
--
| ___ Salad Dodger
|/ \
_/_____\_ GL1500SE-V/CBR1100XX-X/CBX1000Z
|_\_____/_| ..79023.../...20721.../..31268.
(>|_|_|<) TPPFATUICG#7 DIAABTCOD#9 YTC#4
|__|_|__| BOTAFOT #70 BOTAFOF #09 two#11
\ |^| / IbW#0 & KotIbW# BotTOS#6 GP#4
\|^|/ ANORAK#17 IbB#4 PM#5 WG*
'^' RBR 2006: Starts April 1st.

 

Nick, please, take the hint and take it easy.

FBOTY?

--
Dnc

B1200 - +30bhp ~|~ ZZR1100 - faster when upright
V2300 - flat cap and rug ~|~ VS800 - borked
A6 2.5TDi V6 Quattro Sport

MIB#26 two#54(soiled) UKRMMA#26 BOTAFOT#153 X-FOT#003

 

I'd call you a pillock, but it wasn't really your fault. Take it easy
the next time, you daft sod.

That's the quickest FBOTY that I've ever seen.

 

I'd like to think I'd have got off the brakes and upright before I hit
the pole, or would have managed to manouvere and avoid hitting it.

In reality though I'd have binned as well...

I think he does it deliberately.

 

Hahahaha... you UTTER poof.

 

BGN wrote

Didn't you get FBoTY year last year? I am not sure you are allowed it
two years running.

It's like begging for sex, you get used to doing it.

As A footnote I would like to add my good wishes for your speedy
recovery and some sage advice about not doing it again but as this will
leave me open to accusations of caring you can just **** off and bleed
in the corner.

Glad to hear the bike is ok though.

 

Beav wrote

Hazard all you want but the answer is still available on google,
somewhere.

 

Yes Yes I know what it means, I was pondering whether it counted, but, I
suspect that as both rider and bike are okay, it's not likely.


--
Dnc

B1200 - +30bhp ~|~ ZZR1100 - faster when upright
V2300 - flat cap and rug ~|~ VS800 - borked
A6 2.5TDi V6 Quattro Sport

MIB#26 two#54(soiled) UKRMMA#26 BOTAFOT#153 X-FOT#003

 

DoetNietComputeren wrote

I don't recall there being any requirement for blood before the award
was granted and BGN does sound as though he has a genuine claim but as
ever, I shall leave it to the panel of international experts and meekly
comply with their decision.

 

Indeed. I think he's probably set the all-time record for FBOTY as well.

 

<snip>

You silly, silly sod. And after managing to make it through the snow and
ice as well.

Still, at least you're OK, and so the only thing is that the ER5 has
depreciated a bit more. I've calculated that by the middle of spring it
will actually we worth a negative sum.

 

Probably

His post timed at 08.51 in reply to "That's the first **** of the year" by
Cane mentioned he was off out hooning
The second post at 10.57 showed the short space of time it takes to become
an honoured member of the FBOTY club.

So in a little over an hour and a quarter he
Announced
Did the dumbfuckass thing
Reported in to UKRM
and grizzled in front of a WPC (without getting her phone number) !

Quite a feat IMHO


--



Robbo
Trophy 1200 1998
BotaFOF #19. E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003/2004/2005
B.O.S.M 2003, 2004, 2005
FURSWB#1 KotL..YTC449
PM#7
BotM#4
..

 

This is BGN we're talking about. Now, if it had been a young winsome lad
in uniform, and he hadn't got his number, then I'd criticise.

 

I think he should get the FBOTY award. Proper concussion with vomit is
as good as a drop of the old claret.

 

And of course, you'll be putting in an offer, eh?

 

Ouch. GWS.

By way of contrast I fished the Hornet out for it's first ride of the year
and didn't crash.
Some cars were ovetaken , many speed limits were broken , and my hands
started to go numb so i came home.

--
Alex

Hermes: "We can't afford that! Especially not Zoidberg!"
Zoidberg: "They took away my credit cards!"

www.drzoidberg.co.uk
www.ebayfaq.co.uk