Bin to treat heart attacks

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4170789.stm

Bad news is that they will only treat victims that are left in the correct
position at the end of the drive. People are advise to paint their
housenumber on any victims they leave out, in case they are dumped back
outside the wrong house. One victim per household

 

<fx: checks calendar>

It's not the 1st April, is it ..?

 

And only if it's the correct day and they're wearing the correctly coloured
jacket for that day. And you better make sure they don't look scruffy.

 

And think of the implications of infection, getting defibbed by someone
who's had there elbows up to who knows what about of shit during the
day.

 

Now imagine the reaction if they asked firemen to collect rubbish on
their way back from callouts?

 

{snip}

Riding bikes ? Give 'em time, my son ...

 

Risk of infection or death from heart attack. Can I have some time to
think about that one?

 

That's probly not very likely with the binmen around my area. They will
only lift your wheelie bin if it's on the pavement, handles facing outwards
and the lid is fully closed. They then wheel it to and from the lorry.
They will not lift a bin with an open lid, even slightly, or any rubbish not
in the bin. You have to take any excess to the tip yourself, in your car.
Thus saving the environment.............

It looks to me that the domestic bin run at least is a piece of piss these
days. Cue a host of bike riding binmen coming to hunt me down with dogs. Or
is that illegal?

 

Holy cow. Ours'll take anything as long as it's in the bin. If you want
larger stuff taking like mattresses and that they'll do it for a drink.

I detect a hint of irony here.

I think you'll be alright as long as they're not foxhounds.

 

These new portable defibrillators are really foolproof, so I don't
have a problem with the idea that dustcarts would carry one. I mean,
at only a grand a time, why not?

How the **** are they going to infect you? All they're talking about
is putting a couple of paddles on your chest and letting the machine
decide what to do.

 

Trouble is they only come once a week so you'd have to time your heart
attack correctly. Postmen would seem a better bet.

 

"Sorry mate, recyclin' only this week. 'Ave you 'ad an 'eart attack
before?"

 

I suspect one or two folks are deliberately misinterpreting this. My
reading is that they'll be equipping dustcarts with them and training
the staff accordingly _just_in_case_ they're in the vicinity and can
respond more quickly than an ambulance might get there.

And while they're portable, they still weigh several kilos, so I don't
think we'll be seeing one in every postie's bag...

 

In all seriousness, the original story relates to rural areas where
ambulance response times are slower. Our posties have vans so they
wouldn't have to carry it on foot.

Of course you would have to pay extra to be defibrillated before 9am.

 

flash says...

Staffordshire Moorlands eh? best make sure I only have a heart attack on
a Friday morning then.

 

*guffaw*

Christ, I didn't believe 'em when they said that anyone could *whoosh*
you...

 

And you'd have to sign for it first.

 

I can't recall if a defibrillator causes an open wound for the bin men
related germs to enter. Or do you mean heart attack as in John Hurt.

 

"I am not a bin-bag".

 

No, it doesn't.