Back home

After the most unbelievable experience at Bogota airport.

The short version:

Close your eyes and imagine a Central American airport, and an Iberia
A340 Airbus that is 100%, yes 100% overbooked. 700-odd passengers for a
plane that seats 350.

And yours truly, with The Patent Upgrade Technique, managed to get
himself taken to the head of the queue and thus got a seat. After that,
the plane was only three and a half hours late.

No kidding - it was as close to a riot as I've ever seen. Screaming,
shouting, angry chanting, Iberia staff being jostled. Imagine the last
helicopter out of the US Embassy in Saigon in 1975, and you're about
there.

<Takes deep breath: sips cold beer>

 

On Mon, 20 Jun 2005 19:49:02 +0100,

Where I work, I deal with Iberia on a daily basis. Fucking shits.

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, The Older Gentleman amazed us all with this pearl
of wisdom:

You're back? I didn't notice you'd gone ;o)

 

After the most unbelievable experience at Bogota airport.

Welcome home "Oh Great Traveller"
Enjoy the beer..........


--


--
Robbo

Trophy 1200 1998
BotaFOF #19. E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003/2004.
B.O.S.M 2003, 2004, 2005
FURSWB#1 KotL..YTC449
PM#7
..

 

Bugger, there goes the £10 I had on you being kidnapped

 

Where I work, I deal with Iberia on a daily basis. Fucking shits.

You missed TI off the stat of that sentence..............


;-p


--


--
Robbo

Trophy 1200 1998
BotaFOF #19. E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003/2004.
B.O.S.M 2003, 2004, 2005
FURSWB#1 KotL..YTC449
PM#7
..

 

Where I work, I deal with Iberia on a daily basis. Fucking shits.

SEE !

You thought it too....
;-)
Beaten by a minute...........


--


--
Robbo

Trophy 1200 1998
BotaFOF #19. E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003/2004.
B.O.S.M 2003, 2004, 2005
FURSWB#1 KotL..YTC449
PM#7
..

 

Harsh but fair. And they have the rudest cabin staff I've ever
encountered since SABENA went bust.

 

LOL

I rang The Doctor from Medellin, and the first words she said were: "You
have't been kidnapped, then?"

 

Boots Blakeley scribbled on the back of a napkin:

They were too afraid that he'd sell the a gasket set or three.

 

You are so close.

As I was being driven through Medellin, I saw a *really* clean Fizzie
being thrashed along the same street. Early Fizzie, drum brakes,
remarkably clean.

I actually got as far as raising my hand, prior to tapping the driver on
the shoulder and asking him to stop, before I had this mental image of
HM Customs in Heathrow Airport, looking for Colombia's most famous
export in my luggage, and coming on a dismantled 1970s Yamaha.

I still think I should have stopped and made a sporting bid for it......

 

The Older Gentleman wrote

Yeah, I had noticed a number of Ebay auctions had been withdrawn.

 

....Up the arse?

No, I don't deal with them as part of my lovely exciting wonderful
job.

 

On Mon, 20 Jun 2005 22:14:13 +0100,

Their economy is like something you'd find on a short haul charter
carrier, and their business class is expensive and low quality. They
have a bad reputation amongst most people that use them.

 

...Up the arse?

do

FFS, I'm going to work before I say anything else stupid.

 

message

'Kin ell!! had they lost another plane or summat?

'Hog

 

And yours truly, with The Patent Upgrade Technique, managed to get

Care to share the PUT?

 

Chris Reece scribbled:

I suppose if TOG is really fat he could get away with being a pregnant
munter. <D&R>

 

Not quite.

The previous night's plane had failed to depart, owing to a technical
fault. Rather than lay on another plane, they thought that they'd try
getting everyone from Saturday onto the Sunday plane, in addition (of
course) to everyone who was already booked on Sunday.

And right now is the start of the Spanish holiday season. People in
Spain are visiting relatives in South America, and vice versa. It's like
the UK-Australia trade, IYSWIM. So both aircraft were full.

They were trying to parcel people onto other airlines, but of course
virtually every airline was heavily booked as well. There must have been
a lot of people who didn't fly on Sunday, and probably not on Monday
either.

A ****-up, really. Iberia is shite.

 

I'm sure I posted this some time, but.....

The important thing is to look different from the herd, and well-off.
You need the props, if you aren't so.

My props are a bloody good coat (one of the few decent items of clothing
I own) and a decent hat.

The hat is important - not many people wear them, so you instantly stand
out. And I'm not talking about a baseball cap turned back-to-front. A
fedora, panama, or something like that.

You need other props - stuff that either is expensive, or looks like it.
I'm not saying what I use, but it goes with my trade, so it isn't hard
to guess. And it's six grand's worth.

And the rest of your clothing: jacket and tie, or a suit. If you're in a
pair of jeans, T-shirt, and toting a back-pack there's no chance.

OK, next thing is to approach the biz check-in, smile sweetly, be very
polite, and put on the counter passport and credit card (gold, for
preference). If you have some other impressive ID, use that as well -
I've got a sort of leather wallet ith transparent sections, and I put it
all in there, along with my NUJ card (some places like to treat journos
well, believe it or not).

If you're outside the UK and don't speak the language, apologise for
your ignorance and ask tentatively if they speak English. All airline
staff do, but beam widely when they agree they do.

Then explain that you've got an economy ticket, but you'd appreciate the
comfort of biz or whatever and, proffering the card, ask what it'll
cost. And you must be deadly serious about this. Be sincere.

This is crunch time. Often you'll be asked how much you were thinking of
paying. Simply shrug, and say something like: "No idea. Name me a price,
and if I can afford it I'll pay, and if not... well, I'll leave it,
thanks."

Two things then usually happen. One is that they'll do some checking and
simply offer it. the other is that they'll quote the full upgraded
price, and watch for your reaction. If it's something like a few grand
(and it often is) smile again and explain that that really is more than
you're willing to spend, thanks anyway, and pick up your kit and go. No
loss.

Even as you prepare to depart, they may still call you back and upgrade
you. In my experience, you either get the free upgrade, or you get
refused. You don't get asked to pay (say) a few hundred quid. It's all
or nothing.

It's worked for me three times before. This time in Bogota it wasn't a
matter of getting an upgrade, but getting a seat, any seat, on that
bloody plane. I went through the above spiel. The clerk explained that
as the plane was double-booked, all the biz class seats were indeed
taken, but he found my name on the passenger list, struck through it
with a pen, hissed conspiratorially; "You are on ze plane!" and escorted
me to the head of the queue. So I count that as the fourth success.

Please note the key point - you aren't simply asking "Can I have an
upgrade?". You're offering to pay for one, and you look like you can
afford it, and you look like a biz class passenger. That's different.

It's social engineering of a kind, really.