Avon and Somerset Police - "Ride to Arrive"

This weekend I attended the above course at the Police HQ in
Portishead. A few months ago I got booked for speeding and the officer
who stopped me (also a biker) reckoned it was a good crack and that
it’d make a real difference to my riding. As it was only £95 which
included two nights’ accommodation and square meals all weekend, I
decided it was fair game. I paid up and arrived last Friday full of
optimism.

We got shown to our quarters which were exactly like my halls at uni.
This made me a bit misty-eyed with nostalgia so I pissed in the sink
and masturbated twice just for old time’s sake. Before meeting my
fellow bikers I cast my eye over the bikes in the car park. There were
a lot of old man’s bikes (Deauvilles and Pan Europeans for instance),
four Sprint STs like mine and even an R1.

I made my way to the lecture theatre for the welcome meeting and shot
a glance at the other punters. They were mainly mid life crisis
material but there were one or two younger lads like me and just the
one female whom I later learnt had a Ducati Multistrada.
A big cheese rather pompously got proceedings under way by proclaiming
that it was “his job to reduce road deaths” and how marvellously well
he’d been doing in the last few years. Off he went and on came the
proper biker cops, about whom I was a bit suspicious at first, but
they were no-nonsense types who obviously loved biking and seemed
genuinely keen to spend the weekend with us.

The aim of the course is to improve road safety through better riding.
I had actually wanted to learn how to ride faster and with more
aplomb, but I suppose riding more safely won’t do me any harm bearing
in mind I’ve fallen of twice this year already.

We had a piss-up in the bar and I drank 4 pints of Speckled Hen. As I
don’t have any biker friends it was a shock to the system to be
amongst so many like-minded individuals. I sloped off to bed at
closing time, after pissing in the wastebin in my room.

By morning and a few slashes later the bin was about a third full so I
slung the contents out of the window and went down to breakfast. I ate
a huge fry-up and regretted it all morning as I softly belched my way
through the morning lecture session whilst the police riders
introduced us to “Roadcraft” - AKA “The System”.

Roadcraft or whatever you want to call it seems to consist mainly of
weaving about all over the carriageway so you can get a better look of
the road ahead. There is a certain amount of sense in it I’m sure as
long as you don’t take it to the nth degree and end up being pulled
for riding erratically. A couple of the old duffers on the course made
plonkers of themselves by making pathetic wisecracks all morning.

The weather was good so after lunch we were all keen to get out on the
road. We were split into groups of two or three and given one police
rider per group. During the afternoon we took it in turns to lead in
15 mile stints with the copper observing us and making generally
useful remarks on our riding. We went on a long meandering 120 mile
jaunt taking in some cracking NSL stretches over the Mendips and down
towards Shepton Mallet. When I was leading I went as fast as I could
without going completely overboard but the other two were a bit more
laid back which was rather frustrating after a while. The plod didn’t
mind a bit of excess speed as long as we obeyed 30s, 40s and 50s.

After a cup of tea in Wells nick (yes he actually called it that) we
went back to HQ and had another enormous meal. Afterwards at the bar I
washed down a bag of pork scratchings with 4 pints of Carlsberg.
Couldn’t be bothered with another hand shandy so fell asleep fully
dressed on top of the bed.

It was a bitterly cold night with snow on the hills so I put on
everything stitch I’d brought with me including a pair of tight-
fitting briefs and a looser pair I usually sleep in over the top. I
was still cold though and after a few miles heading out towards
Malmesbury I was frozen to the bone.

Anyway it got warmer as the morning progressed but we had to take it
much more gently due to the slippery roads. Not so much fun but, as
our man pointed out to us, useful to have the contrast from the day
before and an opportunity to learn a whole set of new skills.
This time we stopped at Old Sodbury nick and I tried to chat up one of
the WPCs on duty. Didn’t make much progress so we jumped on our bikes
and roared off back towards Portishead.

I ate two complete roast dinners (one pork and one turkey), then we
had a debrief including a photograph session with our arms slung
casually round the officers and we were then sent on our way. Everyone
I talked to thought it had been a great weekend. The officers
themselves seemed to get a lot out of it too.

Personally speaking, I really enjoyed it but have since come to the
conclusion that a trackday is probably my next step, as the road
safety emphasis of the course was not really what I was looking for.
However some of you may be interested if you have a whole weekend to
spare and don’t hate the police too much.

 

actually wanted to learn how to ride faster...I’ve fallen of twice this

Mmmm.

Says I lot me thinks.

 

Did any of them tiuta?
--
Dave
GS850x2 XS650 SE6a

"A scone and tea at half past three
Makes the day a little brighter
Keep your cakes and fancy tarts
And stick them up your shiter."

 

Enjoyable write up. Are you quite fat?