5 Most Stupid Things

(Arising from the discussion last April about the fuckwittedness of doing a
ton on the hard shoulder, which one prominant UKRMer declared did not make
his Top 5 Most Stupid Things Done On A Bike

What are the 5 most stupid things that you can do on a bike?

 

1. Crash.
2. Crash naked.
3. Crash naked into nettles.
4. Crash naked into nettles with a naked pillion.
5. Crash naked into nettles with a naked pillion whilst someone
is there to take a photo of your crashed nettle stung nakedness.

HTH.

 

Not wearing leathers and boots.
Driving fast on public roads.
Getting your knee down.
Changing the standard exhaust.
Photocopying a penguin.

 

1. Getting caught.

 

Indeed, it does!

(Mental note taken. When crashing into nettles, apply more beans and flatten
camera-wielding bystander.)

 

* Do an indicated 176mph through the Hatfield Tunnel whilst wearing a
very dark visor.
* Ride a Bandit 1200 down a 4' ditch into a corn field, 3 hours after
picking it up brand new from the dealers.
* Ride from the pump to the pay hut at a French filling station, stop,
and attempt to get wallet out of pocket to pay beautiful female
attendant, whilst not having realised you haven't put either foot
down.

etc.

 

Andy Bonwick wrote :

I take it that we are referring to this:
http://tinyurl.com/357m3 ?

Most illuminating....

 

Class ;-)

Does 140 through Blackwall tunnel at 5:30pm on a wednesday count?

Braking too quickly outside a pizza palour, dropping the bike, then realise
the place is shut.

Practicing an emegency stop then taking a tight right corner..... without
looking behind you first.

Ride from Birmingham to Luton after reading a snow weather forcast, on the
heaviest snowfall of the year..... and getting lost on the way, covering 100
additional unrequired miles.

Turn down the wrong way on a Dutch one-way street, getting caught in a tram
rail and beeping the horn repeatedly on the tankbag as you try to manouver
out, in front of 100 dutch bikers.

 

- Forget to tighten up the rear wheel securing nuts on a BMW K100, ride
it for 400 miles and wonder why the cornering feels funny; do about 80
down a straight, back off the throttle and curse the flat tyre causing
it to weave badly. Get off and note the tyre is fine... the wheel's
hanging on by about three turns on each of the securing bolts...

- Forget to check a snotoillers working on a GPZ600r. After several
weeks of commuting wonder what the funny noise is. Ignore it. After
another few days look at the rusty thing best described as a 'friction
drive'... marvel at the bits missing off the split link. *Still* ride
40 miles home before you can get the plate and clip to fix it.

I can't remember the other stuff. Here's three serious ones because the
above never happened to me.

1. Overtake slow moving traffic on a junction where the 'other side of
the road is clear'.

2. Filter on a Motorway at excessive speed where 2 lanes are merging
into 1.

3. Forget to tighten wheel nuts up on BMW K100s.

 

Anyone got a working link to the images?

 

In no particular order:

* Dropped the bike on a little 'tit in the road' roundabout whilst doing
about 5mph. Thankfully there was nobody present to witness my
fuckwittedness.

* Losing the backend on the way out of a roundabout at around 40mph and
having the bike land on me. Ouch, but thank you waxed-clothing-manufacturer,
I think that might have been messier if it weren't for you.

* Forgetting that 'the reason there are suddenly street lights along an
unlit road is because there will be a junction coming shortly' whilst riding
through pissing rain up the A5 IIRC. I had one of those 'can't see shit
through it' visors which I'd had to lift slightly to actually see through
the rain, the rain was most hurty on my face at speed, so I was squinting a
lot, oh and did I mention the candlestick-for-a-headlight that bike had? Cut
to the chase, along comes a roundabout and I'm way way way too late on the
brakes, I did sort of hold it together by skidding and slipping around the
damn thing the wrong way and ending up parked in the hatched area of the
third exit (no idea, can't actually remember much between entering the
roundabout and being parked in the hatchmarks).

(I think there's a pattern emerging there... perhaps I should move to the
USA, they have fewer roundabouts )

* Riding away from my gf's place having forgotten to put my lid on, got
stopped by the plod who fortunately laughed at me when I explained what had
happened (still got me for not having any road tax though, which wasn't such
a big deal back then <shrug>).

* Loading heavy college books into the top box of my Yam RS100 then
deliberately riding up a hill-whose-name-I-never knew on the way home, I
don't think the front wheel much troubled the road surface of that hill.
Stupid, but loadsafun

ZK

 

1. Take your key out of the ignition to unlock the fuel-cap so you can check
how much fuel there is left but then drop the key into the tank - all whilst
still coasting along in the middle of a TT race.

2. Drop your FJ1200 in front of a restaurant window full of all your work
colleagues.

3. Let your non-biking work colleague sit astride your bike during a
lunch-break. He suddenly starts rocking it backwards and forwards - smashing
the disk-lock against front mudguard.

4. Assume that you are safe simply because you have right of way.

5. Ride somebody else's ride.

 

I should add that this didn't happen to me. But it did happen to a TT
racer. Once. Maybe.

 

Heading south along South Africa's N1 "motorway" (more like a chuffing B
road for the most part) the exit for Bloemfontein does not appear to be
signposted (well if it is then I've never seen the sign). It is signposted
if you're heading north though. Discovering that cost me a 280km detour :-/

But that wasn't on a bike so it prolly doesn't count.

ZK

 

1. Close your eyes.
2. Have a wank with your eyes closed
3. Have a wank with your eyes closed doing 186mph
4. Have a wank with your eyes closed doing 186mph past a radar
5. Have a wank with your eyes closed doing 186mph past a radar, that's
being operated by Plod. [1]

[1] DAMHIK,IJD,OK.

 

I was going to ask how you remove the key from the lock of a fuel cap when
it's open, but I guess you wouldn't know?

 

William Grainger said...

You forgot:

6. Crash naked into nettles with a naked pillion whilst someone
is there to take a photo of your crashed nettle stung nakedness and it's
someone elses bike you've crashed.

 

Erm, you turn the key back and remove it.

I often do it when filling up with petrol - saves
disarming the alarm.

 

snippage...

Here in SE Michigan the local city decided to put in a roundabout instead of
mucking things up with a traffic light at a particular intersection which is
only busy about two times a day. YEA!!! I thought, finally someone had
some sense. Well, it turns out that this may have been a bad decsion
because now everyone treats the thing as if it were a four way stop!!!

My question to you guys/gals who regularly use roundabouts, who has the
right of way? For instance <fx traffic talk converted to the British style>
if I approach the roundabout following a vehicle that is entering the
roundabout do I continue into the circle if there is no one coming from the
right (clockwise) even if there is a car at the next entry point on the left
and he got there first?

I've seen people stop while in the circle in order "be nice" and let someone
else in. Um, doesn't that defeat the whole roundabout principle?

Otis
96 Daytona 900

 

Basically, you give way to those already on the roundabout.

Sure does.